|
||
BY GUEST BLOGGER | DECEMBER 20, 2010
Sometimes, I find it easy to say thank you. There are just those obvious moments that clearly deserve a thank you: when someone gives you a card or a gift, pays a compliment or goes out of their way to do something nice.
And then there are the times that the emotions surrounding the action are so complex, I'm not sure how to begin to express gratitude. For example, how do I say thanks to a caregiver? It seems like the thanks should extend beyond a simple word or action. Or you can say thanks several times over, and it still doesn't feel like enough.
As I mentioned in my previous post, I've become more aware of the caregivers in my family. So how can I or anyone else who knows and loves a caregiver offer thanks?
One way to start is by telling the world how amazing your caregiver is. For example, take Stefani Spielman's story. When Stefani discovered she had breast cancer in 1998 at the age of 30, it was her husband who was beside her every step of the way. Chris Spielman was an NFL linebacker at the time and took a year off to support his wife. When she lost her hair due to chemotherapy, Chris shaved his head. And both Spielmans advocated for breast cancer research. But they also recognized the role the caregiver plays in the fight against cancer. And so Stefani's Champions started with Stefani honoring her husband as the first champion. Now, every year people can submit a short essay and honor the people who have gone above and beyond in helping out. Stefani's Champions honors people that exhibit three basic characteristics: puts family first, shows kindness and commitment to the cancer survivor and place's the survivor's needs above personal needs.
Still want to find a way to thank your caregiver now? There are plenty of things you can do.
1. Give them time off--guilt-free. Caregivers sometimes find it hard to ask for help, but time away will give them a chance to recharge their batteries. Be proactive and offer up a thought out plan for when they can take a break. Having a plan will reassure your caregiver that things will be taken care of while he or she is gone. Even if it's only for a little while, having some time to relax is always welcome. And caregivers can use the time in a variety of ways: either enjoying a night out and catching up with friends or maybe taking care of the essentials such as scheduling a dentist appointment that they might've put off.
2. Be thoughtful. You can always give them something small and personal. Maybe your caregiver enjoys movies but doesn't really have time to go out. Suggest a movie night. Do they spend a lot of time waiting? Create a customized playlist, maybe a series of songs expressing thanks or songs that are meaningful to your caregiver or the both of you. Or is there a hobby your caregiver enjoys or a book you think they might like? Invest a little money in the hobby (For example, if your caregiver likes knitting, maybe buy some yarn). Or give them a $5-$10 gift card to a book store. Little things can make a big difference.
3. Share with the world how great your caregiver is. You can write a letter to your local paper or a local newsletter, share in your church bulletin, have someone give them a public shout out on a blog or website. Even update your Facebook status to show your appreciation. (Or you can create a Facebook page for your person!) With the Internet, the possibilities for sharing your caregiver with the world are endless. You can also check with your medical facility to see if they have a program to thank caregivers, like the one at Beth Israel Deaconness Medical Center. If they don't have a program at your facility, talk to someone about starting one!
4. Create something special. A cheesy poem, fun video, or artwork may seem silly but could actually be a really good idea--no matter how old you are. I once wrote a story and presented it to my grandmother as a gift, and she framed it and put it on display in her living room. Something you create will probably be highly appreciated because you put forth effort to make something especially for your caregiver. Don't feel like much of the creative type? Then try leaving little notes in unexpected places. Maybe your caregiver took over making meals, so you could place a short note in the kitchen thanking them for cooking. Sometimes small surprises can be the best thing to get.
5. Return the favor. While many caregivers run, walk, and fundraise for their loved ones who have battled the disease, you can honor them as a thank you. There are plenty of ways to fundraise. You can start by finding something you're good at or looking into a specific organization. Ask your friends and family to join in the support and help you honor your caregiver.
6. Do something together that has nothing to do with cancer. Maybe go to a park you both enjoy visiting but haven't been to in a while. Or if you both enjoy visiting museums, make a plan to go and see an exhibit. Or suggest a Respite Weekend that's sponsored by the Well Spouse Association.
7. Say it. Even though it may seem small, just saying the words "thank you" is always a good place to start.
How have you thanked your caregiver? Or do you have tips for someone who wants to thank a caregiver?
Lindsay Ray is the editorial assistant for CURE.
RELATED POSTS
COMMENTS (1) |
PRINT |
SUBSCRIBE
BY GUEST BLOGGER | SEPTEMBER 21, 2010
CURE invited Doug Ulman, cancer survivor and president and chief executive officer of LIVESTRONG, to share his thoughts on how the new health care law will affect cancer patients and survivors.
As someone who has been diagnosed with cancer three times, I know firsthand how critical it is to have dependable, quality health care. It can be the difference between life and death.
This month marks the six-month anniversary of the passage of the health care reform bill. It's time for a check-up since a number of the law's key provisions will take effect on September 23.
After witnessing the sausage-making that went into drafting the legislation, our focus now turns to the execution taking place outside the spotlight – a process that is just beginning.
One of the first changes to take effect is also one of the most important for those facing a cancer diagnosis. The legislation prohibits insurers from using the dirtiest trick of all – rescinding someone's coverage when they become sick. Over the years, LIVESTRONG has heard countless heart-breaking stories of families driven into financial ruin trying to pay for a loved one's care while the insurance company abandons them in their time of need due to a technical error. If health care reform legislation is implemented effectively, these tragedies will end.
The law's prohibition against unethical practices by insurers is good news for cancer survivors.
When I was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 19, I found out the hard way there would be no insurance company willing to offer me affordable coverage. Millions of young adults face the same dilemma and many end up living without insurance, hoping for the best. If they require serious medical care, their financial futures could be compromised for decades. On September 23, young adults across the country will now be allowed to stay on their parents' insurance plan until the age of 26 for health plan years beginning on or after that date. And insurers will be required to offer children with pre-existing conditions affordable, effective coverage on September 23 and adults by 2014.
Study after study has shown that those who lack insurance or who are underinsured have higher cancer mortality rates than those who have insurance and therefore better access to care. This new law will require insurers to provide access to coverage for 32 million Americans who would otherwise be uninsured.
On September 23, all new plans will be required to cover important preventive services like mammograms and colonoscopies without charging a deductible or co-pay.
The law also prohibits lifetime caps on health insurance benefits for plan years beginning on or after September 23. Annual caps on benefits will be restricted on September 23 and banned in 2014. And for the first time in our nation's history, routine costs for clinical trials that can save lives and improve quality of life will be covered by insurance in 2014.
The overhaul of our nation's health care system is a massive undertaking and no single piece of legislation can fix everything. Though the law is not perfect, it helps even the odds for cancer survivors and their families and puts an end to the worst of the discriminatory practices many of us face. Change this significant is certain to encounter growing pains, but LIVESTRONG believes this is a big step forward for the rights of cancer survivors.
Doug Ulman is a three-time cancer survivor and president and chief executive officer of LIVESTRONG.
Editor's note: You can read more about how the new health care bill will affect cancer patients and survivors in "Financial Aid" in the Fall 2010 issue.
RELATED POSTSCOMMENTS (2) |
PRINT |
SUBSCRIBE
BY GUEST BLOGGER | SEPTEMBER 8, 2010
Lymphoma survivor Wendy Harpham, MD, is a writer and author of seven books on cancer survivorship.
Do I look like I'm wearing a cleric collar and walking around in a portable penance booth? I feel that way when healthy survivors open up to me in grocery aisles or at cancer walks, confessing with a nervous laugh or in a lowered voice, I feel guilty. Joking aside, it's amazing how many cancer survivors in remission struggle with survivor's guilt. Health care professionals might wonder what these patients could possibly feel guilty about. Aren't they exactly where everyone worked hard and prayed hard to get them?
Yes, recovery from cancer is a triumph. But some survivors feel guilty about their renewed health, since other patients are still suffering with progressive disease or disabling side effects or aftereffects. It can be unnerving to be thriving at the same time a support group buddy or comrade from the chemo-room is dying. Even when long-term survivors accept the mystery-the Why?-surrounding the unfairness of life, guilt can arise from a sense that what they're doing with their lives is not momentous enough to give meaning to their survival.
Troubled people occasionally ask me, Dr. Harpham, do you ever feel guilty? It's a reasonable question, since I've outlived my prognosis two times over. My situation is better than most patients who contact me-many of whom are younger, braver, smarter, nicer.
Nobody can explain why I keep plugging along while my obits file folder at home grows thick. The newspaper clippings and funeral programs are all that's left of family and friends who had far better prognoses-or were perfectly healthy-when I was diagnosed. Why them? Why not me? Thinking about it gives me the creeps. But do I feel guilty? Not at all. Why should I? I haven't done anything wrong. I'm not responsible in any possible way for anyone else's misfortune.
Drawing the coveted remission card is not like pulling the winning Hawaii-trip raffle ticket out of a bowl. Statistics defines both, but my being an outlier with my clear scans 17 years into my illness does not affect any other lymphoma patient's chance of achieving an optimal outcome. So, no. I don't feel guilty.
Not anymore. Not since a hot Texas day in August of '95 when I was cured of this common malady. To explain, I'll backtrack two more years to a conference where I met another patient, Ellen. She was a hip New Yorker and I was a semi-frumpy Texan, but our shared circumstances acted like friendship Crazy Glue: We were professional writers living with and fighting against recurrent cancer. And we were mothers of three-year-olds.
Juggling deadlines and diapers, we updated and leaned on each other through greeting cards and phone calls. Ellen cheered me on as I was treated with investigational immunotherapy. And I supported Ellen as best I could, an increasingly difficult task once the line reflecting her disease diverged from mine like the control arm of a successful trial. Through it all, we both kept up our writing, hoping to help other survivors.
I remember when she called me from her hospital bed for the last time, asking What does this mean? Reluctantly, having promised her I'd always be honest, I told her the usual medical implications of her latest problem. The following week, whatever unconscious sliver of hope I harbored that a person's will to live could cure cancer was extinguished forever.
That fall, I took my youngest, William, to his first day of kindergarten. Teary mothers around me noisily shored up their courage to let go. Not me. Clear-eyed and grateful, I was relieved to be checking off this one box on my mental list of milestones I hoped and prayed to see.
William and I were walking up the steps to the school when a thought flew in from left field, knocking me off-balance: Ellen is gone; she never got to do this. The mini-backpacks and shiny shoes and mom-and-child intertwined fingers swinging to and fro taunted me, Wendy, you are doing what Ellen desperately wanted to do. Waves of sadness and guilt slowed me to a stop.
Suddenly, Ellen awakened in my head to scold me in that alto voice of hers. Wendy, don't you dare ruin this moment. You insult me by being morose at this glorious milestone. Jerked back to reality by William pulling down on my arm, I knew Ellen was right. Choose life meant nothing if I let sadness and guilt overwhelm me.
Guilt-justified or not-is good only when it helps people do the right things. Feeling guilty about smoking is a good thing when it helps survivors toss out their cigarettes. And survivor's guilt is good when it energizes people in life-enhancing ways. But guilt becomes a problem when all it does is make people feel miserable, keeping them from enjoying life's blessings.
Helping survivors deal with guilt can be tricky business for healthcare professionals. One approach is to teach them, You should feel guilty only if you've done something wrong. But patients can accept this logic and know they shouldn't feel guilty, and yet they continue feeling guilty, just the same.
For me, it will always be sad that Ellen died. More than a decade later, I still miss her. If someone were to accuse me of thinking about Ellen while singing Auld Lang Syne or reaching up on my tippy toes for a welcome-home-from-college bear-hug from William, the verdict would be Guilty, as charged.
But I never allow myself the luxury of feeling guilty about my good fortune, because the most powerful way for me to honor Ellen's memory is to delight wholeheartedly in all that is right in my world.
Dr. Harpham coined the term "Healthy Survivor" while dealing with her recurring lymphoma. She discusses how to get good care and live as fully as possible on her blog, Dr. Harpham on Healthy Survivorship (www.wendyharpham.typepad.com). Learn more about her speaking, advocacy and writing at www.wendyharpham.com.
You can read more on survivor guilt in the upcoming Fall issue of CURE.
RELATED POSTSCOMMENTS (4) |
PRINT |
SUBSCRIBE
