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BY MELISSA WEBER | OCTOBER 15, 2009
On last night's episode of The Daily Show, author Barbara Ehrenreich (her latest book is called Bright-sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America) talked about her breast cancer diagnosis eight years ago.
Instead of finding the support she needed, she was told things like "be positive" and "embrace your disease" and "you'll come out a better person." That's not what she wanted or needed to hear, she told Stewart, adding that those types of statements can do more harm than good.
In the upcoming Winter issue, we're running an article about how some survivors have found a silver lining to their cancer experience. Of course, not all survivors feel this way. Check out "Being Positive?" from a previous issue for more on this topic, and tell us what you think.
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Barbara Ehrenreich | ||||
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Thanks for posting this and starting the conversation! I agree with some of what she said, but think there is a balance.
I knew people meant well when they told me to stay positive after my diagnosis of breast cancer, but it never felt good. It was as if they really didn't understand what I was facing and/or that I should not be sad and grieve the losses I was experiencing. The sudden loss of things such as my breast, my hair, my health (bone and muscle loss, increase in adipose or fat tissue), my youth to some extent-aging 10 years in one year as a premenopausal bc patient, and many other things that any one, by itself, would be enough to throw even the most positive person into a bit of a depression, even if temporarily. And of course they had no idea what losses those were. How could they? So, I'd try to understand. But the most empathetic responses were something along the lines of "This just stinks" (cleaned up for print)... And, just listening with no advice. THAT felt good. I've always been an optimistic, positive person, but experiencing the human emotion of sadness and grief, is in fact, healthy. It's the balance of the positive emotions that matter in the long run!
To me, there is a huge difference between "being positive" at all costs and thinking any negative emotions are damaging and being positive most of the time yet experiencing real human emotions, such as sadness. The latest research in Positive Psychology supports that. What IS helpful is learning how to build more positive emotions to balance the negative when they get out of control. Researchers say for every one negative emotion/thought, we should try to balance it with three positives (things like appreciation for things that are working/going well, savoring, enjoying something in the present) to help us thrive. Here's to thriving!
- Posted by Pam Schmid 10/15/09 5:20 PM
I forgot to say, that there have been many gifts and blessings throughout my journey!! When Gilda Radner spoke about her experience with cancer, she said, "If it weren't for the downside, everyone would want to have it. But there is a downside." A positive person can see the gifts, but they don't have to cherish losing their breast or relish the experience of chemo!
- Posted by Pam Schmid 10/15/09 5:35 PM
ditto on what Pam Schmid said -
And I'll add as another young (pre-menopause ) cancer survivor, when you are really that sick, your emotions can completely shut down. You have to face how you feel honestly to feel anything at all.
I was so relieved to hear Barbara Ehrenreich on the Daily Show.
I believe we can work with our immune systems with the power of our mind and emotion, but not if we are lying to ourselves.
- Posted by Uva_Be 10/22/09 1:54 PM