|
||
BY SUSAN MCCLURE | DECEMBER 12, 2010
I have a confession to make.
While I've talked a great deal about my experience with breast cancer back in 1997, only close friends and family have been privy to the fact that I experienced a second diagnosis this year. I've often wondered why I was so comfortable talking about the first experience, but not the second. The first time was so different. So scary.
This time, I had DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ), which was discovered during cosmetic surgery. I had decided that after 13 years of survivorship, I was tired of feeling lopsided. Surgery and radiation from my previous treatment left me a bit uneven, and I decided that I was going to do something for myself. I was going to "fix" something that only I really noticed or had a problem with. I was going to "even myself out."
The surgery went great. The very next day I could tell that I was going to be happy with the ultimate result. Well, actually, the very next day I was horrified by all of the incisions and tubes and condemned myself for voluntarily opting-in to cause such damage to a perfectly healthy body part. In fact, for a couple of weeks I referred to myself as "Frankenboob" and marveled at the notion that people called this "cosmetic" surgery.
In the midst of all of this self-criticizing, I got a call from my surgeon. It was Friday afternoon and I had just picked my son up from school.
"Susan, I'm afraid I have some bad news," my doc said. He went on to say that during the routine course of examining the tissue, the pathologist had discovered DCIS in my left--previously unaffected--breast.
I began asking very specific questions about next steps and assured the surgeon, who was very impressed by how well I was taking this news, that I knew a great deal about DCIS and that this in no way compared to my first bout.
"This is really baby cancer," I said. "This was nothing to freak out about." I hung up and glanced over at my 15-year-old son. He was crying.
How could this happen to us again? The first time was a fluke, right? She's been healthy for 13 years! Why now? All of these thoughts were whirling through his mind. I could see panic in his eyes and rushed to reassure him that this time in no way resembled the last. I told him that DCIS is the earliest stage of breast cancer and that many women have had it and it almost never progresses...meaning it just sits there, causing no harm.
In the months that followed, many tests were ordered, including an MRI, a biopsy, then a last-second canceled biopsy and a mammogram. I hade to wait for a couple of months for my breast to heal before further tests could be done. During that time, everyone privately worried.
When tests were finally ordered, a suspicious shadow presented itself, causing more worry and more tests. When the suspicious shadow disappeared and the biopsy was canceled, everyone rejoiced. The rollercoaster of emotion that my entire family endured from June through October was palpable.
The ups and downs, twists and turns in the diagnostic process this time were far more difficult than my first experience. The first experience was cut and dry. My health care team said, "You have an aggressive cancer. We need to remove it and will follow the surgery with chemo and radiation." This time I was told that I had three options, none holding greater promise or survival benefit than the next. I was told that I wasn't going to die from this and therefore, the options were broad, and I was the only one who could determine the best treatment option for me. I could remove my breasts, I could radiate the affected breast (not ideal because I remove that option should cancer present itself again) or I could watch and wait.
Guess which I chose? I am now being followed very closely by my health care team with frequent screenings.
What lesson can be learned from all of this? There's no such thing as "baby" cancer. A second diagnosis, no matter how early the stage, is just as emotionally draining as the first one. Maybe that's why it's so hard to talk about.
RELATED POSTS
COMMENTS (10) |
PRINT |
SUBSCRIBE
COMMENTS
Thank you so much for sharing this. I don't know what it's like to be diagnosed with breast cancer a second time (at least not yet), but I can speak to the uncertainty around the choices you have to make with DCIS. I know I was lucky it wasn't stage 2 or 3, but you nailed it when you said it's not clear cut. It took some doing for me to wrap my mind around getting a mastectomy when I initially hoped for radiation. My oncologist fully supported me either way, but I eventually chose the (single) mastectomy. I haven't regretted it.
I wish you the best of luck with your surveillance, and I support your choice. It's highly personal no matter where we are on the spectrum.
Jackie Fox
Author, From Zero to Mastectomy: What I Learned And You Need to Know About Stage 0 Breast Cancer
- Posted by Jackie Fox 12/12/10 11:49 AM
Your "confessions" hit home for me as I too am a two-time survivor. Breast cancer was discovered in 1984 ( I was 35) and then in 1999 I was diagnosed with AML. I had a bone marrow transplant and thought that was the end of my "cancer trial." I was wrong. November 2007 I suffered a heart block (the result of the radiation I had received after my breast cancer diagnosis) while walking on the treadmill. Luckily my husband was exercising near me and did CPR. The heart block left me with some short-term memory loss - which forced me out of work (which I loved) and has left me on disability. Now I spend my days reading and thinking what might have been. Though happy to be alive, I am bored.
- Posted by Eileen Barnett 12/12/10 2:52 PM
I'm a two-time survivor as well, with 13 years between diagnoses. Though mine was the "opposite" of yours -- first DCIS, then the second time tumor in my axilla -- I can relate to the feelings of disbelief and betrayal. Thank you for posting this! Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one to get struck twice.
- Posted by Ingrid 12/12/10 3:00 PM
Here I am reading about other women with 13 yrs between cancer diagnosis and that's me too. First diagnosed in 1997 with stage 2 DCIS. And then in June 2010 after an ultrasound and biopsie I learned cancer was back, this time it was invasive ductal carcinogen, in the same breast. The tumor was hidden behind scar tissue from previous lumpectomy, so a mammogram did not pick it up. I went through so many tests like MRI, CT, etc. I was living like it wasn't me. This was not possible. Why again? I choose for a bilateral mastectomy. Sometimes I have a hard time with myself, all female organs are gone, but I am alive and I try to live life to its fullest. It helps to read about other cases which sometimes are worst then yours. Thanks for sharing your stories and good luck.
- Posted by Renee Wagner 12/12/10 5:32 PM
Wow - I thought I was one out of the box. I too was diagnosed in April 1997 with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (2 separate primaries- hormone neg)and DCIS on my left side.This year a routine mammogram showed calcifications on my right side. The Breast surgeon was unhappy about the appearance of my left breast where I'd had a partial mastectomy and radiation. The breast had become more and more misshapen over the years and the nipple looked like a small burn mark. After biopsies on both sides I learned I had a new Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (hormone positive)on the left which despite being 2cm hadn't shown up on the mammogram. I also had Mucinous carcinoma in the right breast. I have had a double mastectomy, TRAM flap reconstruction (Left) and expander implant (Right). I had no symptoms apart from the dodgy left breast and I think the Surgeon's vigilance has saved my life. Just finished 7 rounds of chemo and looking forward to a fresh start in 2011.
- Posted by Fiona McAllister- 12/13/10 2:02 AM
It was so helpful to me to read the above messages-I am also a two time survivor. One diagnosis 5 years ago,(DCIS) and one 2 years ago.(Invasive leading to a mastectomy and a TRAM reconstruction. Somedays I find it really hard to believe I have heard the words-you have cancer 2X!!! Sharing our feelings is so important as we then know we are not alone.
All my best to all of you.
- Posted by Janet Zimmerman 12/13/10 2:33 PM
Ladies, your posts have meant so much to me. Thank you for sharing. It's funny how people can be complete strangers, but something like having to face breast cancer, not once, but twice in our lives makes us an intimate, close-knit group. The fact that you've shared such candid stories of your lives leads me to feel very happy that I did as well. Keep it up and know, we're together in this!
Happy Holidays!
- Posted by Susan McClure 12/17/10 4:59 PM
I too am a 2-time survivor! 4/25/2002 Stage II invasive breast cancer, right breast....celebrated 5 yr survival 4/25/2007. That same year diagnosed with thymic cancer 10/31/2007! What a ride....have STRONG faith which sustains me, plus LOTS of support from relatives and friends. Have no idea how one handles cancer without the support of others..tremendous spiritual growth during this time and greater appreciation for EACH day..learned to live in the present.
- Posted by Jo Ann Baswell 1/4/11 3:10 PM
I am a one-time survivor. I was diagnosed with DCIS 2 1/2 years ago. Just hearing the words - you have cancer- knocks the wind out of a person, just like being punched in the gut. I cannot imagine hearing it again. After my mastectomy - (I just wanted it all gone) - I returned to a new "normal" life. The stress before each new mammogram is amazing - but the relief when the results come back negative feels like each time I have been given a new lease on life.
- Posted by Melissa B Mitchell 1/5/11 8:09 AM
I am truly inspired by all of your posts. I am currently undergoing my second bout with cancer. Six years ago, I was diagnosed with Stage II invasive, triple negative, breast cancer in the right breast. Went through lumpectomy, 6 rounds of chemo and 4 weeks of radiation. I thought if I didn't get it again in five years, I was in the clear. A routine mammogram six years later showed DCIS in the left breast. Not really concerned with the right breast thinking the lump I felt was scar tissue from the lumpectomy. Thank God my doctor insisted I have a ultrasound guided biopsy because the invasive Stage II cancer returned in the right breast almost the exact place it was from the first diagnosis. So, I had to have a double mastectomy, 6 rounds of more chemo and more 8 more weeks of radiation because they couldn't get clear margins since I had a lot of breast tissue removed from the first lumpectomy. Needless to say, I've been on an emotional roller coaster. I wish I knew what to expect next. I don't mind telling you, I'm not afraid of the inevitable, just uneasy about not knowing what can happen next. I've read everything I can devour on the subject, but haven't read anything about how to deal with someone who's experienced something similar to my situation. Just know your stories of courage and stamina give hope to others like myself who find themselves in the land of the "unknown."
- Posted by S Walker 1/7/11 6:22 PM