COMMENTS

Sympathy cards for adults are mostly used by the weak & guilty to use to justify doing nothing at all. True friends call, come by, offer to clean your house, show up & mow your grass unannounced plus edge & trim, pull your weeds when they pull theirs, bring in your trash cans when they know you don't have the energy, stop by on their way to the store to see if you need anything. A handmade card by a child, niece, grandchild or neighbors child comes from the heart. They see your sadness and hear other adults talk about it. They know even their pictures bring a smile to your face, so they go with what they know.
I have had cards from those far away that contained a letter or updated with promises to keep in better touch, but only after I got cancer. Why did they never try before?
I guess what I'm saying is that a card is better than nothing, but not much in moat cases.
- Posted by Debbie 3/10/10 3:41 PM

As a stem cell transplant and cancer survivor, I have found that many humans would rather avoid discussing your survival, even if it means ignoring you or even sending the generic card or cancer message "Pray for a cure. Pass it to 10 friends." Sometimes just a smile and an quick conversation means more that anything. As Aristotle stated, "We feel pity because the hero is a suffering human being who is flawed like us. We also feel fear..." People need to get over that fear and help the survivor feel like a hero. No pity needed...just a kind word.
- Posted by Barbara Davis 3/18/10 1:41 PM

I appreciate that a personal visit, call etc. is optimal when someone close is coping with illness or with loss. But sometimes privacy is important, too. I don't WANT someone in my house or yard sometimes, particularly if it is a person who would not give me the time of day but for my misfortune. It is nice to know that someone thought about me. Sharing a memory or a photo with the card is a bonus. I don't find commercial get well or sympathy cards to be offensive. I don't care if someone got them on sale.
- Posted by Helen Milowe 3/18/10 2:40 PM

We have been living with my husband's cancer for almost 3 years now. After the first flush of cards upon dx, they came not so often. Those who do continue to send are those who have called and know that I'm down and need cheering up or that my husband could use a kind word or two. Personal messages within a card are always welcomed even a generic card, phone calls are excellent, inviting us to dinner or bringing dinner to us is also excellent and so unexpected, helping with the weeds, mowing,leaves in the fall, snow removal, window washing, a plate of cookies, homemade bread, help in driving to a dr. appt., a visit to catch up with news these are the things I appreciate the most. If you have enough different people who can do them, no one should feel that they are constantly on call to help out. I love all the efforts that are made and it has made me much more willing to pass it forward to those who are also in need for a little extra attention.

Carolyn
- Posted by Carolyn Potts 3/18/10 7:48 PM

when I was battling breast cancer my friend Pam from Vail wrote me every single week of the year of my swine treatment. It has been 17 years since then and I have done this for 15 friends who have gotten cancer. I just babble on about what I have done during the week and send thoughts of support to those who are so dear to my heart. They tell me that it helps to get these notes. I think that it is the least I can do. It meant so much to me! Try it you will like it! Stephanie
- Posted by stephanie thompson 3/19/10 11:54 AM

Yesterday was the 15th anniversary of my brother's death. He died of AIDS at age 41. I was--and still am--so appreciative of the sympathy cards I received after his death. Two cards stand out in memory. One was from his high school classmate and had a very sensitive, caring note. The other was from my dear friend who was in her 80s, and she wrote that he had just completed the hardest job he would ever do. Losing my little brother was so hard, but each card I received helped me know that others cared.
- Posted by Nancy 3/26/10 5:35 PM

Yesterday was the 15th anniversary of my brother's death. He died of AIDS at age 41. I was--and still am--so appreciative of the sympathy cards I received after his death. Two cards stand out in memory. One was from his high school classmate and had a very sensitive, caring note. The other was from my dear friend who was in her 80s, and she wrote that he had just completed the hardest job he would ever do. Losing my little brother was so hard, but each card I received helped me know that others cared.
- Posted by Nancy 3/26/10 5:35 PM

Yesterday was the 15th anniversary of my brother's death. He died of AIDS at age 41. I was--and still am--so appreciative of the sympathy cards I received after his death. Two cards stand out in memory. One was from his high school classmate and had a very sensitive, caring note. The other was from my dear friend who was in her 80s, and she wrote that he had just completed the hardest job he would ever do. Losing my little brother was so hard, but each card I received helped me know that others cared.
- Posted by Nancy 3/26/10 6:45 PM

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