Anywhere I go, people who know me as well as family make a point of asking how I am doing. I am doing well. That is part of the problem.

When I was first diagnosed early this year I was as concerned as anyone would be. I talked to friends and family and soon my whole circle knew of the cancer.

I was so fortunate. I had a small lump in my right breast. A lumpectomy to remove the lump and some healthy tissue as well as 2 lymph nodes was done in April. In June I had a procedure called Brachytherapy. Basically a balloon was put in the cavity and twice a day for 5 days a radioactive seed was inserted into the balloon for a prescribed period of time.

I suffered little except for some tiredness toward the end and a couple of patches of "radiation dermatitis. I was able to avoid chemo, now I just have to take Arimidex for 5 years and have lots of follow ups.

I tend to feel embarrassed by the attention from friends and family when it was resolved so quickly and easily. I have lost several members of my immediate and extended family to cancer in the last 7 or 8 years. I guess I have a little bit of survivors guilt. Why am I alive and they are dead?

I hope there are others here who can relate.
Thank you.

Lisa, I appreciate your post. I am mother to a 12-year-old survivor of stage 2 Burkitt's Lymphoma. Diagnosis was Feb 2009, and first N.E.D. scan was May 2009! She endured just 2 courses of chemo. (too many for anyone, but a rarity in the cancer world...)So, her journey was short compared to TOO MANY others. She and I have been talking alot about how she feels about being a "lucky" one. It's complicated. There is a lot of guilt involved in being a survivor, unfortunately. As a parent, I have a hard time sharing our story with other cancer families -- but, those are the families who understand where we've been and how hard it can be. My daughter doesn't feel like she is as tough as the kids who have battled longer and harder for their right to claim survivorship. Being blessed with "a little bit" of cancer can be a hard place to be.
thanks for starting this topic.
and thanks to CUREtoday for starting this board
karla

Thank you Karla. I am glad your daughter is a survivor too. I am sure we are not the only ones with good outcomes so quickly. I hope the day is not far off when no one has to suffer from cancer or that it is caught and treated quickly like ours were.

Lisa and Karla:
I am a 19 year survivor of Leukemia, after a bone marrow transplant. All I can say is the guilt gets easier. I try to use my experience to give hope to others that are feeling like I did years ago. I tell people that after cancer we live with new normals. Nothing will ever be the same because we aren't the same. I used to think every time I wasn't feeling well the cancer was back. I allowed the past to control the present. I have learned with my experience that every day is a gift and how I embrace it is up to me. I thank God and realize he has a much greater plan for my life. Always remember to look up :)

Thanks Hugs! I guess the guilt is normal. That makes me feel a bit better. :)

Thank you Hugs, Hope and Prayer are strong medicine, I'm 56yrs old, a survivor of bladder cancer 8 yrs and sclc 5yrs I still have survivors guilt, I try to encourage others and pray that one day a cure for cancer will be found. I agree that our lives are not the same as before our journey with cancer. May the road ahead of you be filled with happiness and joy.

Until I posted for the first time, I had not even thought about survivors guilt.
As I was writing, I realized that was what I was feeling. I still feel it but at least now I know what it is.

Lisa Toth

I completely agree with Hugs' reply above and also felt the guilt especially speaking with other families whose children died after their transplant while my daughter lived after her transplant. I also had cance and endured the maximum radiation and chemo my body would take for my cancer (nothing like what she went through for transplant that's for sure!) and I had to keep reminding myself to feel like there's not any meter to the amount of cancer we get or don't get giving us the right to be a survivor or not more or less than anyone else. You ARE a survivor and have every right to feel that joy no matter how much or how little treatment you went through. You have still been thrown into this journey and still live it daily - you ARE a SURVIVOR! If anything, your story and all those of us who survive can serve as hope to others that just get thrown into this and to those that feel they don't have hope. We can be given incredible odds and still survive! And medical advances are so great that they are allowing for more stories like yours! It's actually wonderful that some cancers can be treated with less and less affects and harm to the body. You are definitely the proof that it helps to get things detected early and that new medical advances are making life after cancer better daily!! Your story is a wonderful one to hear!

Easy for me to say all this and yet, I know exacly how you feel about the survivor's guilt and I still feel that way when I see how healthy our family is in comparison to others that have had similar treatments. We'll just have to keep sharing the message of hope and thankfulness to God for each day he gives us! every day is Thanksgiving!