The Shadow Survivors

A childhood cancer diagnosis often makes well siblings feel like they’re battling the disease too. 

Like most high school seniors, Jasmine Brenneman was looking forward to prom, graduating and going off to college. But those plans suddenly seemed in doubt after her younger brother, Josh, now 6, was diagnosed with Ewing’s sarcoma in 2004, and much of the responsibility for caring for her three younger sisters fell to her.

“I didn’t know what it would mean for me personally and as time went on, it was a hard struggle because I had to finish high school, I was working part-time to get money for school and I was applying for college scholarships,” says Jasmine, now 19. “And on top of all that, I had to be there for my younger sisters and take care of them. Sometimes I didn’t feel that I did that great a job.”

Jasmine admits she’s angry at the sense of loss she feels, not just for herself but for Josh too. She lost her senior year in high school and Josh lost his innocence and childhood. “The main thing for me that’s so hard is realizing that our lives will never go back to the way they were before. We know all the details of what having cancer means. It’s changed us and that’s a scary thought,” says Jasmine, now a sophomore at Simpson University in California.

Jasmine is among a growing population of some 18,000 siblings of children diagnosed with cancer each year, according to a group dubbed SuperSibs! by founder Melanie Goldish. The organization raises awareness of the problems these siblings face and provides support services to them and their families. The idea to launch SuperSibs! came when Goldish began noticing behavioral changes in her 4-year-old son Spencer after her other son Travis was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia in 1998 when he was 5 years old.

From her observations of Spencer, as well as other families she talked to, siblings of cancer patients can experience feelings of anger and guilt, and their social relationships may suffer. “What we hear many times from siblings is that although on the outside they look fine, on the inside they’re shattered because no one realizes they’re going through the diagnosis too,” says Goldish, who calls these siblings shadow survivors.

Researchers say how well young siblings cope in the aftermath of their brother’s or sister’s cancer diagnosis largely depends on the parents’ reaction to the illness and how well they communicate information about the child’s disease. Joanna H. Fanos, PhD, director of The Sibling Center at California Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco and author of Sibling Loss, says that the family typically mobilizes around the sick child. “When a lot of time is being spent on the sick child, and it’s not clear why, the dangerous thing that can happen is that the well siblings think they don’t count, that they’re not as lovable, and resentment builds up.” If the lines of communication stay open, says Dr. Fanos, the well siblings have a better understanding of what’s occurring and the experience isn’t as detrimental.

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