My sister was recently diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that has spread to her liver. We have been very close all our lives but, had a falling out 1 1/2 years ago when our mother passed away. I blame her for this fight and she blames me. I contacted her immediately when my brother told me of her diagnosis on Thanksgiving. I told her I wanted to be involved with her treatment - she seemed ok with that and then wound up in the hospital. I went to see her and she screamed at me to get out, she didn't need my help- she said she has plenty of people that care. I am the only sibling that lives here close to her. I wrote abd asked her to let me help in anyway I can. She says I am only doing this for myself, to ease my guilt... I am not wanting to help for me, but I can't seem to get her to understand.
My husband was diagnosed with lung cancer. He has no genetic mutations. His cancer came from his prolonged smoking. I wanted him to quit smoking since 1985. He refused to quit. He even said 'I will not quit'. While I do not wish lung cancer on him, I have to say that it is his fault he got lung cancer. Since his diagnosis, I have been called a 'caregiver' which is a fancy way of saying that I am a servant. Everyone acts like my sole purpose in life is to servie his needs. I have had to change my health appointments because of something he needed to have done. I have to keep quiet and not say anything to upset him. I have had non stop stress since his diagnosis and treatment. Now his treatment is over and my stress hasn't gone away. Everyone still treats me as thought I am servant to serve his needs. I am very angry. As I stated earlier, it is his fault for getting lung cancer because of his repeated refusal to quit smoking. He even refused after my grandfather, my father, his father and his sister all got lung cancer. They were all smokers.
I have had to do go to work as usual, deal with the loss of income because he didn't work during treatment, pay the bills, take of work to attend to his biopsies, tests, surgery and chemo which took away my time to deal with my own health (only has so much time I can take off work. no one to help me at all), keep track of all his biopsies, surgery, tests, chemo, etc.
Why should I keep quiet? He needs to take responsibility for his cancer. He needs to take responsibility for the stress he has caused me. He needs to take responsibility for keeping me from taking care of my health. He is selfish and only cares about himself. I resent that. He needs to know how I feel. Keeping quiet and not saying things that may or may not hurt him, only adds to my stress. I am getting health issues because of this unrelenting stress that I have. Saying how I feel may relieve some of my stress.
I am a person too and I am important too. It cannot always be about him. My needs need to come first. If I say something that may upset him, then that is the way it is. I have had to endure a lot since he got diagnosed. He didn't care how he hurt me by refusing to quit smoking, then getting lung cancer, and then getting treatment. All he cared about was himself.
No one at all has cared about me since this nightmare began.
You should convince your loved ones that they should give up smoking if you want them to get better. Even substituting it to https://deliciousnimbus.com and vaping can make it better. Some people just assume that they are done and not willing to do anything about it. That's terribly wrong and you should help them to realize it.
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