I came across a very useful book -- A Natural History of Family Cancer by Wayne A. Beach, Ph.D
http://www.hamptonpress.com/2009.htm#2009

Here's the description:
Family members and cancer patients routinely talk about and through cancer on the telephone. Yet little is known about the social organization of these conversations and how cancer diagnosis, treatment, and prognosis impact everyday living. The culmination of a decade of research, this volume offers close examination of the first natural history of one family’s 13 month journey through a wife/mother/sister’s terminal cancer. From diagnosis through death of a loved one, analysis of these 61 family phone recordings (and transcriptions) offers primal insights about the fundamental importance of communication. Family members continually rely on one another when navigating through complex social, emotional, technical, and biomedical concerns associated with cancer: Updating and assessing emerging news, being stoic, claiming and defending knowledge, reporting and responding to ongoing troubles, making airline reservations, adjusting to stable yet ambiguous health circumstances, displaying frustration, commiserating, maintaining a ‘state of readiness’, evaluating doctors and medical care, telling and retelling stories, being humorous and playful, and constructing hope as an alternative to despair. These interactions reveal no small measures of personal challenges, emotional turmoil, humorous exchanges, endearing actions, and resolute efforts to remain hopeful in the progressive face of bad cancer news.

Moments such as these are extraordinary and mundane, foreign yet strikingly familiar to all who have encountered them when matters of illness, disease, life, and death move to the forefront and require our attention. Readers will not only gain enhanced understandings of ordinary human interactions, but a deep appreciation for managing the trials, tribulations, hopes and triumphs of cancer – and all human illness journeys shaped by communication in everyday life.

Wow, that does sound like a good book. I'm afraid it might hit a little too close to home for me right now, but maybe some day I can attempt to read it- thank you.

By the time I was in my 20's I had lost my mother, father and sister to cancer. I was my sisters caregiver. My remaining brothers, two, and sister all agreed to stay in communication with each other and to support one another. We agreed that if we had a problem with a sib, we would go to one of the other sibs to help work out our differences and not hold grudges. Over the years this has resulted in our all being close, supportive, and nurturing to each other. We didn't really need a book. When I was caregiving I was too stressed out to read anything more than the comics.

To me the trick is not to read about families with the ability to communicate, it's about how to deal with families that refuse to communicate. Relatives who fear cancer. Patients who don't want to discuss it "right now." The important things consistently go unsaid. Caregivers may be masters at steering conversations where they should be going, but they don't always get there. I learned that and I have come to accept it. I try and keep trying. But I have learned to accept the resistance I meet with on a regular basis. If I didn't accept this, I would cease to be of any use. I have my limits and won't indulge my husband and his family again and again and again, but I've learned what MY family and loved ones need. There is no cookbook for this. It is an individual experience. That's why I find these forums so valuable.