CURE COMMUNITY
Would you date a cancer survivor?
BY LACEY MEYER | JULY 20, 2009
Dating and finding the one and only person meant for you--your soul mate--isn't an easy feat for anyone, and a cancer diagnosis most likely won't make things any easier. And while numerous online dating services have popped up over the last decade, one sticks out above the rest when you're talking cancer.
Founded by a cancer survivor in 2007, "C is for Cupid" is one of the first, and few, online dating services designed specifically for people whose lives have been affected by cancer. The service is free, run by a handful of cancer survivors, and aimed at providing a comfortable and fun environment for members to connect with others who can "relate." As of March 2009, there are more than 1,000 members.
The Spring 2009 issue of CURE featured an essay--"When Do I Tell Her?"--by cancer survivor Jasan Zimmerman about the complexities and challenges of dating after cancer and when and how much medical history to reveal during the process.
C is for Cupid lets members complete at profile for others to view and it is up to them to decide how much personal medical information to reveal. And the private messaging system and mailboxes allow members to pursue relationships--friendship, companionship, or romantic--without sharing detailed information about themselves, such as a personal e-mail address, until they are ready. The site also includes links to other cancer-related websites and organizations.
Although dating another cancer survivor may not be for everyone, I think it is a great opportunity and resource for survivors and other people affected by cancer to be able to connect with someone who has "been there" and who may have other similar interests as well.
A few other online dating sites for people with cancer include Prescription4Love.com (this one is for people with all types of illnesses, including cancer) and CancerMatch.com.
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C is for CUPID seem's like a good thing for me to check out. I'm a cancer survivor who lost someone I loved dearly in 2001. I haven't really dated since. I'm still in my 50's,( although it's never to late to find someone special) I'm ready to meet someone to be a special friend to me !!! It's hard to meet someone, and then eventually have to tell him that you have cancer.
- Posted by Sue Sayyae Reza 7/20/09 3:38 PM
Thank you for mentioning, CancerMatch at http://www.cancermatch.com CancerMatch is a free cancer survivor website, where many people have met and at least one, actually married. There are usually around a thousand people using cancermatch and more each day.
For Lesbian and Gay cancer survivors, there is also, http://www.outwithcancer.com Out With Cancer, run by a national nonprofit.
- Posted by Darryl Mitteldorf, LCSW 7/22/09 9:40 AM
LIVESTRONG offers great info about dating and relationships after cancer treatment. Check it out:
http://www.livestrong.org/site/c.khLXK1PxHmF/b.266...
Also, we have info specific to the 15-39yr old survivors that may need more information about fertility concerns,etc.
http://www.livestrong.org/site/c.khLXK1PxHmF/b.427...
Good luck to everyone! Tough road after cancer, but the community is here to support you!
- Posted by LIVESTRONG 7/22/09 1:50 PM
This is a great idea. Trying to decide when to tell someone about an illness is a tricky thing. I have a genetic disorder that both affects my life / activity level negatively but also has informed my choices about whether or not I plan to have children. Trying to find the right time in a new relationship to tell someone all of that is a balance I haven't figured out yet.
- Posted by @Sue_Anne 7/22/09 2:52 PM
I think this is great, but I also think people shouldn't be too concerned about dating a cancer survivor. I am dating one and have really come to appreciate the passion for life that she exudes. Her past with cancer really hasn't affected our relationship so I would hope that others don't look at cancer as a roadblock to dating.
- Posted by Peter 7/22/09 2:55 PM
I have a good friend who is a true testament to not being afraid to date a cancer survivor. She and her husband met and bonded as friends while he was undergoing treatment; in short order, they fell in love, he was pronounced cancer-free, and they got married. He'd been told he was sterile following chemo and radiation, but... lo and behold, she is due any minute with their baby girl, who will have 3 half brothers from his previous marriage! My friends are true soul mates who would never have had this wonderful story if she'd let his cancer get in the way!
- Posted by Lisa M 7/22/09 3:50 PM
Husband just died from cancer. it was his second battle in two years. Right now answer is NO FRIGGIN' way....However, I reserve the right to reverse myself. I'm in early mouring stages. Darned if I know what i will feel about this topic tomorrow let alone 4, 10, 23 years from now
- Posted by Kim 7/22/09 6:14 PM
My husband died from cancer (renal cell carcinoma) three years ago. It was a 3,5 year long and very hard struggle and I'm sure that I didn't get over and done with the whole story right now. As I realized on various occasions in the past.
It was really really hard and sometimes unbearable to see someone you love suffering that way and at last dying. And I'm not sure that I would stand it once again.
- Posted by Renate 7/24/09 5:16 AM
I am a survivor of liposarcoma of the pelvis and thank God I am remission. My first cancer was diagnosed in 2003 and had a recurrence on the same area on 2006. I went through a lot; but it was all worth it because I am still alive and cancer free. I have a lot of passion for life and people; I am a very loving individual. I date regularly and I hope to find that special man one of these days. If the date goes well and there is mutual attraction and chemistry; I usually tell them about my cancers on the 3rd or 4th date. So far the relationships have ended for other reasons; not for the fact that I am cancer survivor. To answer the question? YES I would date someone who has or had cancer; when you fall in love....you fall in love!!!!for better or for worse.
- Posted by Carmen 8/4/09 10:06 PM
I am the mother of a childhood cancer survivor and wow--this is a late term effect that I had not even considered. What are the ramifications to dating for survivors of childhood cancers?? Will my son carry a STIGMA the rest of his life?? CHILDHOOD CANCER SURVIVOR--BEWARE!!! I find this totally disturbing and why do these societal and personal issues never get attention??
- Posted by Christie Adams 1/21/10 6:14 AM
Hello, I have just stumbled upon this dating cancer survivor information. WHO KNEW!! I will definitely check it out and sign up. I am a 3 year survivor with a diagnosis of CML. Currently I take Gleevec (imatinib) daily and am doing well. I am single, 61 years old, and in the past I have had questions about dating. So these websites will be interesting to me. Also I plan on blogging. I do receive the Cure magazine, and pretty much read it from cover to cover. I have had alot of help from the American Cancer Society. Great Nurses to talk with. I will be nominating my nurse practitioners who I have been having a standing once a month appointment with since 2007.
Sincerely, Antoinette Bazzett in Palmdale, California
- Posted by Antoinette Bazzett 1/21/10 10:20 AM
Christie - I can't imagine how it feels as a mother to think about these things for your son. But, a 3-time survivor and one of my good personal friends wrote an essay for CURE last Spring that talked about his issues with dating and I thought it may be interesting for you to read it and if you have any other questions, I'm positive he would be OK with you contacting him to talk to him.
Here is a link to his essay he wrote for CURE: http://www.curetoday.com/index.cfm/fuseaction/arti...
And here is a link to a profile that was recently featured on the NCCN website featuring him: http://www.canceradvocacy.org/community/cancer-adv...
I'm sure it is a very scary thought, but I wanted you to know there are others out there that you can talk to about this and maybe answer some questions for you.
My best,
Alex
alex.hurd@curetoday.com
- Posted by Alexnadra @ CURE 1/21/10 10:30 AM