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How Far We've Come Since Cancer

Kim Johnson shares poetry from the night of her seizure and how much of a difference three years makes.
PUBLISHED February 01, 2017
Kim is a nursing student who is hoping to find her place amongst the phenomenal oncology nurses and doctors who cared for her sister. She loves reading, volunteering and enjoying the outdoors of Colorado.
We are coming up on the third anniversary of my sister's seizure. On the morning of March 3, 2015 The Medical Center of Aurora called home and my twin answered. He tossed the phone to me, and, to my surprise Angie was on the line. After going back and forth, she told me that my sister has suffered a seizure and I needed to be with her. I rushed to the hospital and tried to wrap my head around the situation that was unfolding.

I had seen so much go wrong with her treatments, but I had never seen her like this. The doctors were scrambling to figure out what kind of patient she would be once she woke. For me though, I was left to wonder if she even was going to wake up.

After all the staff from fifth floor had come to see that we were OK and friends had gone home, I was alone, in the darkness of night, with all of the machines beeping and blinking these were the thoughts that were running through my head...

There is a girl
A young woman
Nearly twenty-eight
Years of age

Been by her side
More often than
I’ve been alone
For far too long

No different than the rest
This chose her
For what reason
We are all so perplexed

Her breath, she breathes
So forced
A choice I’m not sure
Truly chosen

Gaped mouth
As sleep has taken hold
A false picture
Betraying the truths that
Her body holds

Wonder if the ghost I see
Is the lasting image
That I shall forever see
When my mind
Conjures up memories

The cards of life
She has been dealt
Are of a game
That no human soul
Should have to play

All the adventures to be had
Journeys through utopias
All the places yet to be seen
That her eyes will never see

It  will be hard
Harder than my imagination
Can imagine now

Unforeseeable when she
Will reach the peak
When this darkness envelops her
Will I then be able to see

Uncertainty has filled my life
Try to articulate words when speaking
Strung together carefully
Hiding the emotional thoughts
Spinning like a hurricane
Jumbled with worries
I can no longer control

As time steals her away
Try to catch a broken life
Before the shards are in the ground
So hard when you
Can no longer do
Because it simply is done

Waiting causes pain, or it did
With no choices, it used to hurt
Thought these scars
Were the ones that people say
Time can never heal

But numbness fills
The void when
Reality sets in

This thing inside of her
She wouldn’t, she couldn’t see
Now known
Shown for all to see

Eating away at her
Stealing away the girl
Just twenty-eight
Years young

When I read through this, I am astounded out just how far she – how far we –  have come. It is wonderful knowing that she has been in remission for just over a year now. I am and continue to be marveled by how her journey unfolded but grateful that against every odd, she is still here with us today.
 
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