My Chemo Upheaval

Editor’s Note: This piece was submitted by a contributing writer and does not represent the views of CURE Media Group.

The way it goes

Since I was diagnosed

Unraveling the process

Causing a bit of distress

Reality sinking in

An inkling

of a roster of side effects

Blinking and kicking in

My head's spinning

I'm not yet flipping

I feel like sprinting

It's gonna be stinging

Left me eviscerated

Spent eight hours being bladed

A few vital organs, gutted

I was bloodied, gruntled, but trusted

Chemo-addled brain

Leaves so much strain

Synapses misfire

Catches me in a quagmire

A puzzle, a mystery, everyday conversation

Oftentimes, a consternation

Then this neuropathy

Keeping me up till three

Twitches, skin blotches

Ain't keeping me in darkness

Fatigued, indeed

Agreed

Shortness of breath, Dyspnea

Its main insignia

Stopping several paces after

No swagger there, just one

other matter

Like salmon heading upstream

Sometimes feels like a dream

And then I want to scream

Unable to eat

No flavor could beat

Not even from a cookie sheet

That metallic taste

My tongue is always laced

A disconnect I do not embrace

Feels like there's a brick in my stomach

Unable to flick, wanting to run amuck

Having to hydrate

Pushing myself to drink

One would think!

Oh, and my tresses

Clearly distresses

First thinning, then bald

Gggrrrr, leaves me appalled

It grows back like baby's hair

As an adult, this is rare

I couldn't don a wig

Tempted to have a swig

Scalp was allergic

Itchy; needle-like, hypodermic

Resorted to wearing caps during summer

As in mid-summer, bummer

And beanies during winter

Thermal, not looking sinister

Bedridden for five-days straight

What a time-worn state

Can't read, utterly useless

It isn't the coolest, being motionless

Boredom zeroes in

Crawling under your skin

Forget regular bowel movements

If you're even assuming,

is no amusement

Bury sleep for that matter

Getting up to empty your bladder

Deep, dark circles under my eyes

As you arise

Trudging through the day

Zombie-like, fumbling for prey

Huh? Pardon me?

Always feels like an odyssey

The tinnitus in my ears

Admittedly induces tears

Worse on my left

Leaving me so bereft

Like cicadas besieging an

innocent forest tree

A tyranny

Arbitrarily, assuredly, like a parody

Dry mouth that can lead to sores

Which I absolutely abhor

A dry, bloody nose

Makes for cruddy blows

Flu-like chills

None like cheap frills

At ease, comforted under the covers

The chills that it buffers

A moment thereafter

Like a choreographer

Abruptly and swiftly

Unceremoniously

Feeling silly

Kicking off the blanket

Like a bandit in a sandpit

Hot and cold

Like crazy folk

Wellness had sprung

For a period of time, it rung

Can it be undone?

Like a shot from a BB gun

Like still waters

That soothes and caters

A rainbow's end

The hard and soft colors blend

Wish the cancer abated

I felt so alienated

I valiantly fought

And through the years

It simply accelerated

It's been five years now

Since I then found how

It has left its physical and emotional scars

Peering, not allowing shears

To project anymore fears

It's a battle

But don't be rattled

It's a personal struggle

Be a fighter, never buckle

Hope should abound

In your mind and center crowned

Keeping Him close in prayer

Never questioning, nor in despair

And always, evermore aware

Ultimately, definitively

And conclusively

My life will all depend

For it has been penned

In God's time

In my prime

In His hands

Akin to being lambs

It is not a reprimand

I rest, and fully understand