The weeks have whizzed by in a flurry of living. I had my three-month scan, and while I didn't expect stability; that is exactly what I got! It's a funny, yet welcome word in the middle of metastatic cancer land. On one end, progression could have happened and a fast and furious return to treatment would have ensued. I didn't want that. On the opposite end, disappearing tumors would have been an unlikely but greatly desired possibility. Instead, I find that I am somewhere in the middle with one tumor showing slight progression and everything else remaining "remarkably stable." These are wonderfully magical words at the end of a three-month treatment break that has made the normal of living with metastatic cancer feel ... well, simply normal.I pondered these results on a flight the next day as I made my way to Synergy 2013 in Miami. Stability left me with a handful of options that could each take me in a different direction.1) Do nothing and continue my treatment break - likely allowing tumors to get an edge.
2) A targeted treatment for the slightly progressive tumor - keeping one spot in check and possibly allowing other spots to get an edge
3) A targeted treatment plus a chemo burst - keeping the offending spot in check and systemically treating others at the same time
4) A chemo burst - systemically treating and at the same time taking advantage of the stable scans and upcoming holidays
5) Resume a normal chemo regimen - keeping everything in check but NOT taking advantage of the stabilityI asked myself the resounding questions for which no one has an answer. Scrolling through pictures of my family brought the gravity of these decisions front and center. I smiled at the memories the past three months provided: a chemo-free summer filled with long walks, trips to the beach, birthdays, celebrations and lots of time together. Time that wouldn't have been possible without the treatments that continually beat my cancer back. I stopped on a photo where my entire family was celebrating at Disney Land; arms jubilantly raised in the air. With that image, I knew that I couldn't risk a continued full break.I am basking in the magical glow of stable tumors and another good scan; fully cognizant that I have grown to love the days that have been borrowed through chemo and treatments. After much discussion, we decided to move forward with option number three. It is a choice that I hope will lead to even better scans and more time filled with the muchness of family. As Chloe colors happily beside me, I am thankful to embrace the beautiful gift of simply normal.