Doing a little reflection about where I've been and how far I've come is just as important as making resolutions.
I’m not much of a resolution-maker. I hate the idea of setting a goal too lofty to accomplish, only to be sorely disappointed in myself. Plus, my son’s birthday is during the first week in January, and with all the cake and special meals and last-minute shopping that accompany a birthday, starting a bold new fitness and diet routine in January is bound to end badly. Normally, my new year’s reflections are much like those in September when the new school year starts, when I decide what changes need to be made to make my schedule flow more smoothly.
This year, I’m coming up on three years since finishing treatment for triple-negative breast cancer. I didn’t let myself entertain such thoughts, but I think subconsciously: If I made it three years, that would be when I would escape the haze of cancer, when I’d be healthy again, when the worry would stop. Now coming up to that self-imposed deadline, I’m not sure that it will automatically free me from the purgatory that is waiting for the next scare that cancer has returned. At least, if that nagging never subsides completely, maybe it will quiet with more time? There are some parts of my life that have been irrevocably altered, and yet, in some ways, I can see my pre-cancer self returning.
After three years, I think I thought I might “outgrow” some of these things, but alas, that ship has probably sailed.
While I hate to use the phrase “back to normal,” it’s interesting to see some of the pre-cancer me returning.
Yes, I think it is important to look ahead to a new year, and of course, I'll resolve to eat better, run more, and "be present" right along with everyone else. But for me, doing a little reflection about where I've been and how far I've come is just as important.