Ron Cooper writes about the funny and serious sides of cancer. He is the author of “A Grateful Survivor” (Amazon) and blogs at RonCooperAuthor.com. Come along for the ride on his cancer journey!

Ron Cooper

Got a bucket list yet? Maybe you have dreams on buying a Ferrari and speeding through the Alps, a bottle of wine cooling back at the chateau. Or maybe snorkeling with the stingrays in the crystal-clear waters of the Caribbean Sea, surely a paradise on earth without parallel.

Or perhaps you are just dying to ride a camel to reach the Great Pyramids or set your Fitbit for an extra workout climbing Kilimanjaro, the tallest freestanding mountain on Mother Earth. If 20,000 hikers can make the ascent every year, you can too, right?

Truly, I had never thought about a bucket list until my cancer diagnosis in 2014. But then, it became an obsession with my own mortality staring me square in the face. So, I began to fully investigate the limitless possibilities. I went online, fascinated to read how ultimate fantasies were indeed coming true.

One website declared its goal is to “to help you live your best life” through bucket-listing. Indeed, these folks don’t just advocate going bungee-jumping or riding in a hot-air balloon. They swim in each of the earth’s four major oceans and stand on the equator in Africa.

I must admit that these bucket-list adventurers were summoning not only my body, but my spirit as well. Everything sounded so enticing. Cancer survivors must make each day count, so sign me up!

Sadly, I realized that while I’m fully vaccinated and fully ready to travel, my bank account is running on empty. Cancer care is not cheap, especially when it comes at the same time you’re experiencing a whole host of medical problems associated with the elder years. Getting old is expensive!

Doggonit, what’s a guy to do? But wait a sec, I think I can get into the bucket-list scene. I’ll just have to adjust my sights a little.

No, I can’t go see the Northern Lights on a trip to Scandinavia, but I could light up my life with a new colorful nightlight for the bathroom.

And no, I can’t hike to the Mount Everest base camp, but I could Skype with a Sherpa. You know, watch him guide some adventurers up, up, up those steep slopes. Living vicariously is my motto.

A nephew hiked the entire Appalachian Trail (2,184 miles), but I can’t afford to buy all that camping gear. So, why not build a path between my couch and the fridge instead (12 feet)?

The ocean-swimming trip might have to give way to dipping my big toe in a mud puddle. And standing on the equator? Not until I win the lottery to finance the trip to that hot climate. In the meantime, I’ll settle for an extra trip to the tanning salon.

Let those jetsetters have their fun. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a staycation!

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A cancer survivor recalls how he never considered a bucket list until his diagnosis in 2014. And although he knows he can’t afford to buy a Ferrari and cruise through the Alps, he’s OK with changing course and going with something much smaller.

A Bucket List? Even A Poor Guy Like Me Can Dream!

Is it possible to use the word “cancer” in the same sentence as “fun?” When it came to my radiation treatment for prostate cancer, the answer was a hilarious “yes!”

In 2015, a worrisome recurrence brought me to the radiation center for eight weeks of treatment, five minutes a day Monday through Friday. My PSA numbers had spiked only six months after my prostate was removed and I was facing a formidable foe: an aggressive stage 3 cancer.

I hoped beyond hope that the center’s technicians and oncologists could help me bring my numbers down and do it professionally and courteously. Fun times did not enter my brain at all.

During Halloween week, the back door of the center swung open and in walked a man who bore a striking resemblance to Richard Simmons. It sure looked like the workout king, with the curly hair and boxer shorts, the whole works. The only difference was that this “Richard Simmons” carried a briefcase. Turns out, he was one of the oncologists who wanted to be in on the fun.

There were a few more surprises in store for me that day. All the technicians were dressed up. One was costumed as a hot dog, standing next to her colleague, who was a bottle of ketchup. I asked them if we were going to a picnic that morning and we all chuckled. Then, another character made her appearance, wearing a get-up as a Google map.

“Can you get me to the airport from here?” I asked her playfully.

They all had me in stitches by the time the huge machine started humming and buzzing and sending beams into me, fitted snugly in a body cast so that none of the cancer-killing energy would miss the mark. I had to suppress some belly laughs to remain perfectly still and get a proper treatment.

Throughout my treatments, the technicians offered me a slice of cake or some cookies left there as gestures of gratitude from the other patients. The staff was cheerful without fail.

When I finished treatment just before Christmas Day, I penned a poem and sent it to the staff, harkening back to Halloween week and their humorous shenanigans.

I’ll never forget their playfulness and fun-loving approach to their profession. Cancer is serious business, but they taught me you don’t always have to take yourself so seriously!

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A prostate cancer survivor recalls a time when the cancer center’s staff helped him realize that its OK to have fun while receiving cancer treatment.

‘Fun’ and ‘Cancer’ Can Go Together

From the very first day of our cancer diagnosis, fear rises in our chest and we feel like our heart will burst. Overwhelmed, our thoughts immediately turn to health and family and the palpable feeling we may be dying.

But there, latent, lies a powerful antidote to all this negative energy — hope. We just have to learn how to tap into it.

Perfect case in point: The COVID-19 vaccine, which I affectionately call “The Big V.”

With millions of shots going into our arms, it’s hard to recall a year ago when fear gripped the cancer community with the arrival of COVID-19. We felt so exposed, our immune systems so compromised that we could only cower in our homes and shudder to think we would become infected. The middle of March 2020 looked surreal and felt sinister from the vantage point of our cocoons.

“The Big C” had for the moment become overshadowed by an even “Bigger C”: the notorious COVID-19.

In those early, frightening days we could not have imagined that our “super-spreader” world would ever bring us anything but illness and death with no end in sight. In short, we were terrorized that we would contract this wicked new disease and be left to die alone in the hospital.

Yet, public health officials reassured us that the cavalry was on its way in the form of life-saving vaccinations. That ray of hope was often dimmed by those who opposed sensible mitigation measures, such as masks and social distancing. But we in the cancer community were good soldiers in this prolonged campaign of patience and compliance.

A significant turning point arrived in late 2020 when the frail and neglected residents of nursing homes and their care teams began to get vaccinated. We still heard caution from public health officials about the new COVID-19 variants imbedding themselves in our communities, so our struggle is not over, but the outlook is decidedly sunnier.

So now, with spring upon us, we can relax and emerge from our bunkers to rejoin society. When fully vaccinated, we can even plan for family get-togethers on Independence Day and schedule a long-delayed hug-a-thon with precious loved ones.

It’s time to smile and offer thanks to the scientists and pharmaceutical companies for pulling out all the stops to produce these vaccines. It’s time to take a deep breath, our hearts full of gratitude and relief.

It’s time to smile and give thanks as people can start to emerge from their bunkers to rejoin society now that there are multiple COVID-19 vaccines, writes one cancer survivor.

The Cancer Community Welcomes ‘The Big V’

Let me be blunt. It’s hard enough traveling this rocky cancer journey without hearing remarks that sink our spirits and leave us to toss and turn at night. Cancer folks, especially those of us with a fresh diagnosis to haunt us on sleepless nights, are especially vulnerable to some comments.

Don’t get me wrong. Those who care about us want to do and say just the right thing at the appropriate time. Many of them know instinctively they’re tiptoeing around landmines when they merely open their mouths with hearts full of good intentions. Yet, sometimes they stub their toes in their efforts to sound encouraging.

Here are five things that a patient with cancer should never have to hear:

“Well, at least you have the ‘good’ kind of cancer”

Cancer survivors know fully well that some cancers, if caught early enough, can be contained and even cured. Other cancers are much more aggressive and difficult to detect in the early stages, which can bode poorly for the patient.

But we also know that all cancers are potential killers and there’s nothing “good” about any of them. So, well-meaning people who want to impart hopefulness can instead create a boatload of anxiety.

“Do they know what caused your cancer? Too much sugar maybe?”

Pardon my French, but who the hell cares what caused this monstrosity to enter my life? I am not going on a lifelong search for the answer. Why? I may have countless doctors’ appointments ahead of me, likely including some form of intervention such as chemotherapy or radiation.

Frankly, I have neither the time nor even the tiniest inclination to look deeper into the cause. The reality of cancer suffocates me and I’m just trying to come up for air. When you think about it, this kind of question is just idle chatter. But as a patient with cancer, I deserve much better than this kind of query.

This question hits a raw nerve, especially for someone who has just been thunderstruck with the shocking words, “You have cancer.” The stage of someone’s cancer is extremely personal information and talking about it can sear you to the core. Let the patient/survivor choose when to address this bombshell question and with whom to share it.

God love them, people who voice this comment are just trying to make us feel better. But they don’t know the unvarnished truth: Cancer operates in the shadows. It is relentless. Think of it as a wrestling match. You pin your opponent to the mat and score a point, only to become the one losing the upper hand moments later. It’s a tug-of-war for your very precious life.

Another thing: Not all active treatment for cancer causes a change in your physical appearance. But in every case, bar none, cancer carries out a sinister attack on your fragile emotions. That’s where the deepest scars emerge.

Stop the presses! From the initial diagnosis, I started an intense conversation with God. You see, the two of us had it out and I don’t want to cover that ground again – at least not now. Maybe later when things calm down and I can try to bring my faith back into the picture. So, be safe, not sorry, when it comes to faith when keeping company with a person who has cancer. Let them bring up this extremely delicate topic.

So there you have it. People with cancer need soothing, heartfelt words of support, that’s for sure. Just please be careful to avoid loaded expressions that can be easily misinterpreted. In short, so much depends upon the right words at just the right time. I trust you will get this right!

Never say to someone that at least they have a “good” kind of cancer or that they don’t really look that sick, writes one cancer survivor.

Ron Cooper

A Bucket List? Even A Poor Guy Like Me Can Dream!

‘Fun’ and ‘Cancer’ Can Go Together

The Cancer Community Welcomes ‘The Big V’

5 Things You Should Never Say to Someone with Cancer

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