Living After Cancer: A Cancer Thriver Shares Her Story

Valarie Traynham, a cancer thriver and patient advocate, imparts advice and discusses survivorship after a cancer diagnosis.

Although a cancer diagnosis alters the course of a person’s life, there are certain things within that person’s life that can remain steadfast, according to Valarie Traynham, a cancer thriver and patient advocate, who said that the disease hadn't altered her to the core; she was still her.

“You are not alone. Often, when you hear those words, ‘you have cancer,’ you enter a dark place and feel like nobody else understands. But know that others have been on this road, they have walked this road, they are still standing, and you can do the same,” she emphasized.

To further discuss the fluid definition of survivorship and its evolution and how life changes (and does not change) after cancer, Traynham sat down for an interview with CURE. She also highlighted what she wishes someone would have told her at the time of diagnosis.

CURE: How do you define survivorship, and how has that definition evolved since your diagnosis with multiple myeloma and breast cancer?

Traynham: So, I think of survivorship in many different ways. One, for me personally, it is about thriving with cancer. I live with this every day, but I have learned how to thrive with it. I also find that it's about waking up every day and really just choosing to continue to live, even on those hard days when you're not sure how the day is going to go. You still have to get up and face it, taking those good days with the bad days. That thing I have hope in, that's what I try to focus on most.

I think survivorship has changed. I have noticed that it had changed from when I first even thought about survivorship, which was not something I considered until later in my cancer journey. Initially, I thought of it as just holding on, processing everything I had just been handed, dealing with this deck of cards I was given and playing them. But I've also found that it meant navigating the unknowns.

When you get that cancer diagnosis, a lot goes on, and you're a little bit unsure of how to handle all of that. Over time, I realized that it means much more. It's about living fully, as I said, thriving, celebrating every win, small milestones. Celebrate those small milestones and don't take anything for granted.

It also means learning how to speak up for myself, learning how to become a good self-advocate, speaking up for myself, knowing what questions to ask, and those types of things. But I'm finding it's about living with intention, living life with more meaning, and finding those special connections and finding that hope.

What are some of the most significant ways your life has changed since treatment, and what parts of your identity or daily routine have remained the same?

Looking back on my journey with myeloma and breast cancer, life has shifted in significant ways. Initially, it was about mere survival — getting through the shock of not one, but two diagnoses, and enduring the treatments. Everything seemed to come at once, very fast. However, over time, I've noticed that it has become more about how I live.

I've learned to be more intentional with my time; with the things I say yes to and the things I say no to. My "no" muscle has become very strong, and I've also learned to protect my peace. I no longer take things for granted; again, it goes back to being intentional. But I think one of the biggest changes I've found on this cancer journey is that I've discovered my purpose. What started as figuring out how to navigate my own diagnosis has truly turned into a deeper commitment to helping others do the same. My advocacy work has allowed me to take everything I've experienced and turn it around to give back and help others.

At the same time, parts of my life haven't changed. My faith, for instance, remains my strong foundation; it's what keeps me going every day. I still find strength in my community, and I still enjoy showing up for others, being there to help them in their time of need. While this journey has changed me, it hasn't altered me to the core of who I really am. Instead, it has allowed me to be part of something bigger, stretched my faith, and enabled me to make connections that have totally changed my life….

Most people don't know they have a no muscle, but once you know you have it, you exercise it bit by bit, and everything gets better.

Looking back, what do you wish someone had told you at the time of your diagnosis that might have better prepared you for what was ahead?

There are several things I wish someone had told me, and this is what I try to tell everyone now: You are not alone. Often, when you hear those words, "you have cancer," you enter a dark place and feel like nobody else understands. But know that others have been on this road, they have walked this road, they are still standing, and you can do the same.

Early in my journey, when I looked at the prognosis, I was told three to five years. Then I met a 26-year survivor, and my mentality shifted. I became that outlier. Whenever I see charts and graphs about myeloma or breast cancer survivors, I tell myself that I am going to be that outlier; I'm not going to fall within those lines.

I also wish someone had told me that "incurable" doesn't necessarily mean a death sentence. When you hear "multiple myeloma," an incurable cancer, my mind automatically went to, "Oh my God, I'm going to die." I was diagnosed so young — at 42 — and a three-to-five-year prognosis meant I might not live to see 50. So, I wish someone had told me it doesn't have to be a death sentence.

I wish someone had also told me that when treatment stops, you can still be left with long-term, life-altering side effects. These are things people don't talk about; it's all about getting you into treatment and cared for. I wish someone had told me that even after treatments stop, the emotional and mental processing of things still continues. It doesn't stop just because you're not going in for chemo every week. That emotional toll can still affect you deeply.

I wish someone would have told me that I was going to need to learn how to advocate for myself and what that truly entailed. For me, it was a learning-as-I-went process, but I think had I known that upfront, I would have been in a better position.

Lastly, I wish someone would have told me about how cancer can change the dynamics of your relationships. I had friends who drifted away; they didn't know what to say, or they were just uncomfortable for whatever reason. Others had never known someone with cancer, so they didn't know how to respond or how to offer the support that was needed. So, the dynamics in relationships, even family relationships, some of those shifted as well.

However, I can say that even though I wish someone had told me about how relationships would shift — both in not-so-good ways and in good ways — I found that I've made deeper connections in the survivor communities, building new support networks. That has become a form of healing for me. So, I wish I would have known that upfront. I wouldn't have been so worried about it, just knowing that there was a network out there that is so supportive.

Transcript has been edited for clarity and conciseness.

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