So I have the most spectacular husband and I think Dr. Tolaney agrees with me. Totally very popular at Dana-Farber, my husband's very popular here. He's a partner at a major law firm. He rarely misses anything. At Dana Farber, he comes to every single thing he can possibly come to. He's, you know, the pandemic did us one big favor, which is that he works from home. I think if, in the beginning, the first part of my cancer journey, he was working in the office, it was much harder. So he's, he has been unbelievable, amazing, incredible. And has carried our kids through everything. And you know, just, I can't even I'll start crying. He's amazing. We also kind of take pride that a lot of the nurses have told us that, like, we're the happiest couple that they've seen here.
And my husband has people laughing, I will say, even though sometimes my clinic conversations are serious, we're still giggling throughout the visit.
Yeah. And he also has this thing that like, every time we're coming here, he's like, we're “spending time together, this is great.” We're going to he acts like, he's always acted like it was a date. So he's spectacular. And when he can't do something, because he has, you know, like a hearing in front of like, the Fourth Circuit or something, something huge, I have an amazing bunch of friends. And they are like, they actually get mad if they're not the one I call for something. So I have to spread around. Just spread it amongst my friends, the privilege of coming with me. So I've had a really, I've had amazing support throughout. So I have I have a pretty good home team of people who support me.
Unfortunately, I've known a lot of people who have gotten cancer who have been friends of mine since I've gotten cancer. And I always tell them the same thing, which is, don't listen to what anybody says about their side effects, because yours are going to be different and probably weird, and that, basically, you just need to stay in the right now all the time.
You can't get go forward; you can't look back.
I will tell you that I spent a lot of the early, probably two whole years blaming myself for the fact that I got cancer and going over and over again, in my head, the decision not to get a mammogram that year, because I read an article in the Washington Post saying women get too many mammograms. And I was 44 and had no family history. So I thought I was safe. And I skipped a mammogram. And I was just like, look at this, I devastated my family, I ruined my life. I've you know, and even if it's true, I don't think the penalty I'm paying is appropriate for the crime I committed. But it was very, very hard for me emotionally to, to, to get past that feeling that I was to blame. And also my biggest risk factor was obesity. And of course, I was very ashamed about that.
I think a lot of people are obese and don't have breast cancer. And so I paid I've paid a very, very steep price for two mistakes. And most of the time, now I can forgive myself for those mistakes. But I try to, you know, everybody who gets cancer who talks to me is trying to figure out why. And there's nothing productive that comes from that. So I basically just tell people, you got to get a team that you love. Who like, you know, I've always I have a little thing where I kind of want to be the favorite patient of everybody. But really, I just want to feel like everybody's you know, looking out for my best interests and I also just, it's look how lovable these people are. They're amazing people who work here. So yeah, I tell people, not to not to look upside effects as is not going to help and to stay in right now and to stop asking why?
You're never going to know.