© 2022 MJH Life Sciences™ and CURE - Oncology & Cancer News for Patients & Caregivers. All rights reserved.
I'm a three time cancer survivor.
When I was 26 I found out I had Hodgkin's lymphoma and went through a very aggressive regime of chemotherapy for six months. Two years later it came back to the same place, so I had to do radiation therapy. Fast forward 17 years and I have breast MRI's every year along with mammograms and ultrasounds due to the fact that I had radiation to my chest which made me high risk for breast cancer, since I was so young when I received it. I had suspicious enhancements show up on the MRI before and turned out benign, but this time, I wasn't so lucky.
Invasive ductal carcinoma was the diagnosis, and double mastectomy was the course of action my doctors decided on at U of M. I should feel happy that I beat it and won three times, but instead I feel sad because of what I've been through with treatments and surgeries. And then I hear of someone passing away and while I may not even know them, it makes me feel guilty and sad... and then I feel guilty more for having those moments of when I felt sorry for myself, so it's a vicious cycle of guilt!
All I keep thinking about is, I have to live this life right, because so many people had their lives taken away because of cancer and I beat it three times. So what makes me so special that I'm still here and they're not? I work out hard in the gym because I feel like I have something to prove to myself, to prove that I do deserve to be here. That I can honor the lost by living out the rest of my life with love, kindness and lots of determination.
When I run and feel like I can't go on, I think of those who aren't here to run and I feel them with me and it helps me to keep pushing. I think I may start a survivor support group, because I don't think I'm alone in feeling guilty, and I think it would help to talk to others who feel the same way. Maybe we can help each other.
Related Content:
FDA Grants Orphan Drug Designation to Novel CAR-T Cell Therapy to Treat Waldenstrom Macroglobulinemia, a Rare Type of Cancer
New Resource ‘Empowers’ Patients With Breast Cancer That Has Spread to the Brain With Much Needed Information
Cancer Boosted My Empathy, But Anger Is Starting to Rear Its Head
FDA Approves Breyanzi for Previously Treated Large B-Cell Lymphoma