Is it too much to want to feel like myself again after cancer?
Is it too much to ask to want to feel like myself again after cancer?
I had breast cancer eight years ago. I had it all — lumpectomy, chemotherapy, radiation, oophorectomy, hormone therapy…Well, not quite all. When I recently redid my genetic testing, I learned, with new advances in genetic research, that I have the PALB2 genetic abnormality. Back to the drawing board, or rather, back in for a prophylactic double mastectomy with reconstruction. What a process. I mean, seriously? Now, after all this, I don't feel normal. Is it too much to just ask for normal?
All I am hoping for is pain-free, normal energy and an appearance, that, when wearing clothing or a swimsuit, looks "normal" to those around me. I will get there. I will literally create my "new normal." I still hate that expression, but I am willing to fight for it so that I can blend back in with the pack.
My friends, who know what I have recently been through, take a quick furtive glance at my chest and tell me I look great. Yikes. I haven't even had my exchange surgery yet (swapping out tissue expanders for more permanent implants). To those around me, it already looks like I should be "back to normal." I do not like the word "should" either by the way. And, hello, I still can't sleep on either side or my tummy because of the "lovely" stiff uncomfortable expanders.
Don't get me wrong. It is encouraging that the people around me want to be happy for me. They truly mean well, and I know it. Usually, I just smile politely and thank them. You know the drill, right? Still, just between us, it can be a little frustrating sometimes. Right?
This is where curetoday.com and Facebook support groups come in for me. It is helpful for me to interact, vent and find understanding in articles and live correspondence with fellow cancer survivors. Fellow mastectomy and mastectomy-with-reconstruction patients understand what I am saying and feeling. We don't have to go through this feeling alone while surrounded by friends and family. Fellow cancer survivors understand that the external does not always match the internal.
So, it is my job to let family and friends know when I need to talk to them and share what I am experiencing. The people around us are not mind readers. If I have a need to say something, it is my responsibility to bring it up.
What about strangers? Sometimes I am a little twisted about this. Do I spring it on the cashier at the grocery store checkout that I need help with bagging and carrying groceries to my car because I just had a double mastectomy? Or, do I take the high road and just let them know I need some help?
How do you answer, "How are you?" You know casual acquaintances or strangers don't want the whole truth and nothing but the truth. "Fine." I suppress the urge to horrify them with what is really happening - most of the time. I know, I have a bit of a mean blunt streak sometimes too. I am a work in progress in so many ways. I guess we all are.
Ultimately, cancer survivors just want to get back to their normally scheduled lives. We want to blend in with everyone else and move forward. Sometimes there is a lot more to that process than meets the eye, and we are fortunate to be able to connect with each other for support.
Presurgical Opdivo, Chemo See High Response in Early-Stage Breast Cancer
December 9th 2023Opdivo and non–anthracycline containing chemotherapy before surgery produced promising pathologic complete response rates regardless of whether Opdivo was administered before or during treatment with carboplatin and paclitaxel in patients with stage 1 to 2B triple-negative breast cancer.
Read More
Consider Endocrine Therapy Responses When Planning Chemo in Breast Cancer Subset
December 9th 2023Results from the ADAPTcycle trial found that endocrine therapy plus ovarian suppression can generate high response rates in patients with HR-positive, early breast cancer, regardless of age.
Read More
‘The Complete Guide to Breast Reconstruction’ Author Empowers Patients With Information
October 5th 2023Now in its fifth edition, “The Complete Guide to Breast Reconstruction: Choosing the Best Options After Your Mastectomy” by two-time breast cancer survivor Kathy Steligo offers patients comprehensive, up-to-date information.
Listen
Kadcyla Is the ‘First Therapy to Show Improved Survival’ in a Breast Cancer Subset
December 8th 2023Kadcyla outperformed Herceptin regarding overall- and invasive disease-free survival in patients with HER2-positive early breast cancer that still had remaining invasive disease after undergoing neoadjuvant therapy.
Read More