Cancer From A Patient’s Point of View

When I was a teenager all I wanted was to be liked by one and all.

I was jealous of the kids that had siblings and big families. I remember in those days people saying, “Oh you are so lucky to be an only child. You don’t have to share your clothes or anything with siblings.” In some respects, I had it made, but in others I didn’t. Until high school it was pretty lonely being an only child.

The truth is that people sometimes want what they can’t have, while others don’t appreciate what they do have. You see, until you’re faced with something like cancer somethings you thought important become trivial while the under-appreciated become cherished.

When I was in high school, I wanted to make my mark. More than anything else, to be remembered. I did not want to be known as just the party runner, cross-country and track team co-captain. Springtime was when track season came to an excessive big head. All the meets, everything you trained for was about to come to a climatic meet of teenage competition. Those hot August mornings training for the autumn cross country season was a test. My coach, Coach Mac, knew just how to push the right buttons. He told me, “Your life is just one big test. You’ve trained, now get it done.”

I needed to stop thinking about things that could go wrong. I needed to allow myself to think that all my adventures could be honored with success. When I allowed myself to dream, I also made decisions based on my own personal wants and desires, leaving fear behind.

At times after my cancer surgery, I felt a desire to be better or more important than my running competitors. I soon realized I was happier when I respected everyone for who they were. I learned everything in my life should be lived with reverence and not to elevate myself at the cost of others. Perhaps people with older siblings learn this quicker in life than I did, but it is lesson I am grateful to have finally experienced.

My diagnosis led me into a range of emotions. Mostly anxiety, and sadness. I struggled with the uncertainty of my prognosis and the impact it would have on me.I knew I was going to leave my hometown sometime after I graduated. Just did not know how long it would take. After discovering that I had testicular cancer at 21 years old, I felt like it was a test. Coach prepared me for this. I had to focus on the things I could control. Just as my training for cross country prepared my legs and lungs for long distances, so would those long, lonely runs prepare my mind to win and defeat cancer.

It took a while, but I began not to let people influence my decisions or thoughts. I had to take action for my future. Much of this I learned from my father, who was a great teacher and listener. He knew I was struggling with this latest post-cancer test. He taught me it was “getting to it” that mattered. Your mind is a tool meant to be used. My father saying  getting at it was about the time I really started living life. I had been delaying thinking about specific goals like college and work life. I started outlining my goals and focused on self-motivation. Coach Mac and my father were both right, I needed to step it up and get to it.

My turning point was when I understood I could take an experience and apply it to other situations. How quickly life can change when you are not looking. Do not forget the past, live for what you have now and apply all your life experiences to your current life. You are not only helping yourself but helping others as well. Others will see how you apply what you know  to help you through the unknown. This life can be overwhelming. Take this time to let your heart expand and be unafraid. You got this! Get to it!

This piece reflects the author’s personal experience and perspective. For medical advice, please consult your health care provider.

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