What Breast Cancer Taught Me About Saying Yes to the Picture

Laura Yeager is a two-time breast cancer survivor. Catch up on all of Laura's blogs here!

It was 1997. I was 34 and 140 pounds. I would be getting married in a few months, and we were interviewing photographers. We found one in the classified section of a local newspaper. His name was Lew. I remember he came to my mother’s house, where I was living. The one thing I remember about him is that he had puffy hair. Turns out, he was also a hairdresser. He owned a salon in Akron. The photography business was his side gig; only at that time, it was called “moonlighting.”

The first thing he said to me back then after mutual introductions was, “Do you want me to take a nude shot of you in just your veil?” As a devout Catholic, this idea seemed preposterous to me. This was something I would never do. Funnily enough, although he was a little racy, we ended up hiring him because we liked the sample photos he showed us. Racy or not, the guy was an excellent photographer. And all true artists had a little bit of an eccentric side.

Now, 28 years later, I just saw Lew. There he was in the fruit and vegetable market with his puffy hair. He had a red basket of oranges on his arm. I was doing the shopping for my husband and son. We were still married. Our anniversary was in August, August 23. Lew seemed to be in a hurry. I didn’t speak to him as he rushed by me. He probably wouldn’t have recognized me anyway.

But oh, note to my younger self, after two bouts of breast cancer and a double mastectomy, and 50 pounds of extra weight, I should have taken Lew up on his nude photo offer. What I wouldn’t give to have a clear image of my old body, pre-cancer, without scars. Not that I’d display it. In fact, I’d keep it locked away so that only I could view it.

Dear 34-year-old Laura, go for the naked picture photo shoot. No one has to know. Little did you know that in 2011, you would be diagnosed with breast cancer, and they would take your breasts, not just part of them, not just a lumpectomy, but a complete double mastectomy.

I wonder how Lew would have posed me. We had a chaise lounge. I imagine he would have had me sit/lie on that with my veil draped on either side of my shoulders.

At the time, I was completely embarrassed that a total stranger would snap a nude photo of me. But now, if I had to do it over, I’d deal with the embarrassment.

Dear young Laura, you just never know what’s going to happen to you as life moves along. Maybe Lew knew that our bodies changed over the years due to all kinds of factors. Maybe Lew was smarter than I thought. I suspected he just wanted a cheap thrill, but maybe he was really trying to do me a favor. Photographers know these kinds of things.

My grandmother was a photographer. She told me that our facades change and that we should document our youth and beauty when we can. Once, when I was swimming, my grandmother took a photo of 18-year-old me in my bathing suit. “You’re not always going to look like this, honey,” she said knowingly. This made me feel a little strange, but I just didn’t understand her 60-year-old perspective.

But now, it’s too late. I have only the memories of my cute figure and my 38C breasts.

Life is too short to not take the nude photos.

We tell the elderly to eat dessert first, to buy the shoes, to live it up!

To my younger self: Let Lew take the pics!

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