Breast Cancer Continues to Teach Me to Appreciate Life

Bonnie Annis is a breast cancer survivor, diagnosed in 2014 with stage 2b invasive ductal carcinoma with metastasis to the lymph nodes. Catch up on all of Bonnie's blogs here!

In 1965, a soap opera named Days of Our Lives aired. My mother thought it was amazing and soon became hooked on it. As a young child then, I often ended up watching the show with her during summers when school wasn’t in session. She and I would sit glued to the television set as the sands of the hourglass slowly passed down during the intro credits. And I think that’s how I was first introduced to the concept of time. Watching the sand descend, I realized time doesn’t last forever.

In 2014, I was reminded of that show when I received a diagnosis of breast cancer. That diagnosis brought things into perspective in a different way. Instead of an hourglass, it was more like a magnifying glass illuminating the life I wasn’t sure I was going to get to live. I took so much for granted before cancer. Each day I’d wake up assuming I had many more days of life ahead. Instead of being grateful I’d lived to see another sunrise, I got up, got busy, and never gave my blessings a thought. After cancer, it was vastly different. Cancer helped me realize I’m not promised tomorrow. The day I first realized that it hit like a freight train. I needed that jolt of reality. Now, there’s not a day I wake up that I don’t give thanks for another day of life. I don’t want to lose a single grain of sand from my allotted “sands of time.”

I’m 67 years old and at the time of this post, I’ve been alive for 24,721 days. How do I know that? I Googled it! Thanks to the internet we can find out trivial information like that, but to me, it’s not so trivial. I’ve written that number on my calendar today and plan to write down each succeeding number of life from this day forward.

I also Googled the number of days since my diagnosis. I was diagnosed with stage 2B invasive ductal carcinoma on June 5, 2014. I’ve lived 4,082 days since then, but the most amazing thing is the number of days I’ve lived days since the cancer was removed from my body, 4,048. To me, that’s a very significant thing. I plan to record the number of days I’ve lived post cancer because I count those as my gift of second life.

Counting days may seem silly to some, but for those who’ve experienced cancer and have been through the trauma of struggling with all the “what ifs” that come with a diagnosis, surety is important.

I don’t have an hourglass, like the one the soap opera used, but I’d sure like to have one. Instead, I have a small 5 minute one. The concept is the same – it’s used as a timer. I keep it on my desk at the base of my computer to remind me to take 5 minutes out of every day to express gratitude.

Another thing I do is keep a gratitude jar. On my kitchen counter is an antique Mason jar. It’s a beautiful shade of greenish blue. Beside it is a hand carved wooden bowl filled with multicolored strips of paper and a pen. Each day, I make a point of recording at least 3 things for which I’m thankful. At the end of the day, I’ll open the jar and reread all my blessings. It’s a great way to celebrate life post cancer. Recording things each day also helps remind me time is fleeting, and I shouldn’t take a single day for granted.

I often wonder how I missed understanding the importance of celebrating each day. That’s why I’m thankful cancer taught me to appreciate what I’ve been given.

It’s overwhelming to think a horrible disease could bring such a powerful gift into my life, but it did. I shudder to think where I’d be today had I not learned the importance of counting special days. I imagine I’d have forgotten about the show, “Days of Our Lives.” More than likely, I would have forgotten about sitting cross legged on the floor at my mother’s feet as we stared at the tube together watching those brilliant white grains of sand slowly making their way through the hourglass.

Time is precious, whether we count it in seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, or years. Survivors often live counting time, that’s why we value every second we’re given. 

This piece reflects the author’s personal experience and perspective as a breast cancer survivor. For medical advice, please consult your health care provider.

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