The Cancer Jam: Compassion and the Brain

I was never a New Year's resolution kind of gal. Healthy changes were either forced upon me (alcohol rehab, cancer treatment) or were acted upon “whenever the urge hit.” So, it was strictly coincidental that I heard a recitation from a neuroscientist on Dec. 30 that prompted me to start a day early on compassion training.

I was intrigued because the program guest was not a spiritual leader or a psychologist,. but a neuroscientist. He enlightened his audience on the beneficial effect of compassion on the brain, and the phenomenal causal effect on the world that circles back to self. (Sort of like a woman wanting to be a mother, a selfish pursuit to do the most unselfish lifelong act.)

My resolution will not be easy. I’m a generally good person but I can experience crippling anxiety, anger, fear and resentments.

Like many, I am guilty of considering empathy, kindness, sympathy and communication as synonyms for compassion. Apparently, these words are not interchangeable. According to Latin origins and my neuroscientist sources, empathy is the quality of experiencing the suffering of another person, whereas compassion also includes the motivation to act.

Compassion embraces kindness, empathy, acceptance and generosity, as well as courage, tolerance and equanimity. It means being open to the reality of suffering and aspiring to help heal.

The Dalai Lama teaches that compassion is the bedrock of happiness, inner peace and world peace, defined as the heartfelt wish for all beings to be free from suffering — an unlimited, altruistic concern for everyone, even enemies.

I have to retrain my brain to realize that my tiny itty bitty minuscule self may end up becoming the extra snowflake needed to save ethe glacier. My participation in compassion matters. Yours does too.

Here’s the kicker: There is a selfish reason to move from empathy or sympathy to compassion. They have different pathways in the brain. Empathy training increases brain activation in anterior insula and anterior midcingulate cortex — brain regions which are associated with empathy for pain. Those in empathy training tend to feel negative. In contrast, training in compassion was shown to have a positive mental effect, and increased activation in a non-overlapping brain network involving the ventral striatum, pregenual anterior cingulate cortex, and medial orbitofrontal cortex. The neuroscientist expressed that training in compassion might reflect a new coping strategy to surmount empathic distress and strengthen resilience.

And that’s just training! Add real world application and we become agents in the pursuit for world peace. Maybe it starts with family. Then it spreads. And spreads.

Even though I consider myself a little better than surface-level compassionate, I let efficacy deter me from being a consciously present player in societal harmony. I can be a tempted to short-circuit engagement and jump straight to action to avoid my own complex feelings. This is not a wise course of action according to neuroscientists (much less psychologists and spiritual leaders) and does not promote compassionate, mindful care — including self-care. For people who are expected or required to be compassionate in their everyday life or work (and that means all of us when it comes to self-care and forgiveness) they should start by training in compassion, part of which helps us summon sustained courage and a continued willingness to engage with suffering, rather than avoid it.

Try this one of many compassionate training exercises:

Start by finding a comfortable position, seated, lying down or whatever is most suitable for you. Allow your body to relax as best as possible, releasing any tension. Gently close your eyes if you wish, and take a few deep breaths, feeling the inhale and exhale calming your mind and body. As you settle in, focus on the natural rhythm of your breathing. Let it guide you into a state of ease.

• First, focus your attention on yourself. Direct kindness and well wishes towards yourself, remembering that you are deserving of care and love. Silently say this phrase: "May I be happy." If it feels difficult to offer yourself these kind wishes, simply notice this, without judgement, as best you can. Continue to breathe gently and allow the words to sink in, to whatever extent is possible.
• Second, bring to mind someone about whom you feel generally positive. This could be a close friend, a family member or even a pet. Picture this person or being in your mind’s eye and notice the warmth that arises in your heart and throughout your body as you think of them. Silently repeat this phrase, offering them well-wishes: "May you be happy." Allow your feelings of love and kindness to grow naturally. Imagine that your words are like a warm light, embracing this person and filling them with peace.
• Third, extend your well wishes and loving-kindness to a neutral person, someone you encounter regularly but do not know well, like a colleague or a neighbor. Repeat the phrase: "May you be happy." Notice any reactions in your mind and body.
• Fourth, recall someone about whom you feel generally negative. This might be a colleague who seems to create problems at work or a family member whom you often find difficult. Picture this person in your mind’s eye and notice what arises in the body as you do so. Silently repeat the phrase, offering them kindness and well-wishes: "May you be happy."
• Finally, focus on equalizing the well-wishing between all four of these people or beings, including yourself. Then, spread it out to the entire world, starting locally and eventually encompassing all beings. Picture the earth bathed in kindness, compassion, and good wishes. Silently repeat to yourself: "May all beings be happy."
• When you are ready, take a deep breath, and gently open your eyes if they have been closed. Try to take this sense of compassion with you into the rest of your day.

Compassion requires action. My conundrum is what to do when there is nothing to be done! It is difficult to accept that there comes a time when it is best to let nature take its course. Our compassion does not end, but can expand towards the suffering family, friends, medical team members and others. Compassion for self may mean conjuring acceptance: May I be well.

If all else fails, I will be empathetic, kind, sympathetic and communicative with the hope of fluidly moving towards compassionate.

Finally, I need to address two things.

1. A bunch of us may think this is foofy. (I made that word up.) “This compassion training sounds too new-agey. I’m a serious thinker, not a mushy tree-hugger.” Well, have fun being negative. Wait – I mean – “May you be happy.”
2. Millions of us start and stop our resolutions. I heard the neuroscientist and this exercise on the radio and thought it was excellent. But did I turn off all electronics and sit comfortably on the phone as soon as I got inside my apartment? Nope! Finally, I gifted myself time to sit in peace and go through the steps. It started out as uncomfortable and intrusive to my daily routine. But once I started, I shifted.  I am an emerging witness.

It will take work to make this part of my life. I’ll report back.

Happy New Year! May you be happy!

This piece reflects the author’s personal experience and perspective. For medical advice, please consult your health care provider.

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