With that first gasp of air, like you have been holding your breath the past 11 months, you realize you just might be a better person after all this cancer crap.
When you have gone through hell and back and end up on the other side, you finally get that moment to look back and see all that you've been through. It is amazing when you realize you have been holding your breath for so long, and then you start to hit those first milestones, like my recent first, the day I was diagnosed. You just cannot believe what you have survived.
With that first gasp of air, like you have been holding your breath the past 11 months, you realize you just might be a better person after all this cancer crap. What I have realized is that for a long time, a lifetime, I could never let go. I always had to be in control, make sh** happen, even if it was not my place to do so. I worried, I fretted and I took everything personally, including work, friends and family. The weight of the world on my shoulders. There's only one place to go when you live life like that...rock bottom.
I have finally accepted that I do need to work on the art of letting go, and the past few weeks, reliving what last year was like, I think I finally am consciously aware of letting go. This terrifying roller coaster ride has given me that.
Some days, I am still pissed that not everyone checks things off on their to-do list the way I would, that while I have some wonderful friends that have stood by my side, some I'm not even sure if we are friends still and that this juggle called life with work and family is extremely difficult, and I cannot do it on my own. It truly does take a village, and I need more villagers in my corner to help with the insanity of three busy kids. And I am pissed that it took a stage 3 cancer diagnosis, treatment and ongoing recovery to finally shake me furiously. My eyes are wide open now. I am not putting up with any more bull****.
But, today, one month away from one year later, I can look around at what I have left, and I realize for all cancer stole from me. This gift, learning the art of letting go, is a true blessing. It's okay to let things go that you cannot change. Sometimes they are people, sometimes circumstances. It is what it is.
Some things are no longer for me to worry about, because I am here. I am healthy, happy and waiting for the next set of scans and results to tell me I am one-year cancer free. I won't let anything or anyone get in the way of that.
"You shout it out, but I can't hear a word you say. I'm criticized but all your bullets ricochet. You shoot me down, but I get up." - Titanium by David Guetta
"Too blessed to be stressed." -My friend, another butt-kicking, cancer-fighting lady I am honored to know.