Finding My Rhythm Again: What Fall Means to Me After Cancer

Fall has officially arrived here in North Carolina. The mornings are cooler, the leaves are beginning to change color, and you can feel the difference when you step outside. Around our house, the season is showing up in another way too. My kids are getting settled in school, and our calendar is filled with tryouts, practices, and school events.

As our family finds its rhythm in this season, I’ve been thinking about change and what it means to keep finding your footing. I’m 19 years into my survivorship journey, and I’m still finding my rhythm as life continues to change. My life today is full of family, work, and new memories, and I’m grateful for that. I also know that cancer survivorship can bring moments of anxiety and reflection. Fall reminds me that life keeps changing, andit’s important for us to learn how to move with it.

A new season brings a new rhythm

Nineteen years is a long time. I’ve made memories, taken on new opportunities, and watched my family grow. I’ve also learned that cancer survivorship remains part of my story, even as life keeps moving into new seasons.

Right now, that looks like getting used to life back in North Carolina and keeping up with the changing pace of family routines. The school year brings its own rhythm. There are schedules to remember, events to attend, and practices and tryouts to work around. I enjoy seeing my kids settle into their activities, and I’m learning to settle into this season alongside them.

The change in fall makes me think about how life after cancer changes too. Finishing treatment is a huge milestone, but it does not answer every question or make every feeling disappear, neither does it mean that you won’t think about cancer ever again.Learning to live as a cancer survivor continues over time. And listen, that’s okay.

That’s what I call The Gap; it’s the space between finishing treatment and learning how to live as a cancer survivor. Nineteen years into survivorship, I can look back and see how much that transition asked of me. I also know that feelings from that time do resurface as life changes and I move through new seasons.

When life is busy, worry can still be there

Fall can be a loaded season. The family calendar fills up, routines shift, and there are plenty of things to keep track of. I can be busy with family, work, and everyday responsibilities while still carrying worry in the background.

From the outside, I may look like I’m managing everything. On the inside, I might be thinking about my health, an upcoming appointment, or what a new symptom could mean. Scan anxiety is one example. When an appointment or health concern brings cancer back to mind, I feel uncertainty rise in the bottom of my stomach. Stalking MyChart wondering what the results will show.

I call this high functioning anxiety because I can keep showing up while still feeling anxious. I’m sharing this because I know other survivors may recognize themselves in it. A full calendar does not always mean a worry-free mind. We can enjoy the season, be grateful for our lives, and still have difficult moments.

Making room for support in every season

When fall gets busy, it can be easy to focus on everyone else’s schedules and forget to check in with myself. I’m learning to make room for support too. That might mean opening up to someone I love, writing down questions before an appointment, or connecting with people who understand cancer from their own experience.

One thing I do is make time to connect with other survivors. The Mesothelioma Center’s support group is one way to connect with people who understand the experience of mesothelioma. Whatever type of cancer you have/had, you can ask your care team or cancer center about support groups for people with your diagnosis or look for survivor communities through cancer organizations.

Support can matter long after treatment, and it’s okay to reach out whenever you need it. So as the leaves chang, the weather gets cooler, and my family settles into its fall routines, I’m trying to give myself time to adjust to this season too. I want to enjoy the moments we share and the memories we’re making. I also want to be honest about the parts of survivorship that still affect me.

Finding my rhythm again does not mean having every answer. It means continuing to live, thrive, as I stay connected to the people who support me, and being honest about what I need. After 19 years, I know life will keep changing. Each season brings its own routines, its own feelings, and new opportunities to make memories. I’m grateful to be here for this one, finding my rhythm as I go.

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