On Being a Symbol of Hope to Other Young Breast Cancer Survivors

Putting together a support system for her mental health was a big part of my daughter’s plan when she was diagnosed with breast cancer at 27, especially as she moved into survivorship. All women diagnosed with breast cancer face similar hurdles, but there are some very unique challenges faced by younger women, particularly around the subject of biological motherhood. She needed to find a place where the struggles she might face would be something she felt comfortable talking about openly and where no one would “pat her on the head” and just tell her everything would be OK. Thankfully, she found that support in closed online groups made up of women just like her.

The triple-positive status of her cancer meant that she would have to go on ovarian suppression for up to 10 years following treatment, which would have made her 38 by the time she could try for a baby and that was a big concern since chemotherapy can reduce fertility. But thanks to research results that came the Positive/Baby Trial (which determined that taking a break from ovarian suppression to try conceiving did not impact recurrence) she was able, with her medical team’s support, to stop taking the medication after two years to give getting pregnant a try at 31.

This would be the one thing about cancer that would be easy for her. My girl stopped the medication for the required three months to let it clear her system and in month four joyously sent me a video chat request and when I answered it she and her husband were sitting there grinning, holding up multiple positive pregnancy tests.

There were so many questions, so many extra appointments and tests to be run and meetings with cancer specialists but at the end of it all we were gifted with a healthy baby girl. During those long, busy months the online group was a wonderful source of encouragement and in many cases the more experienced members were able to normalize things for her so that they stopped being a cause for fear.  She could ask questions that no other pregnancy support group would have the answer to, knowing that she would get answers that actually applied to her situation.

Potential trigger alert incoming.

The next hurdle was breastfeeding. Luckily my daughter still has one fully functioning breast and for many reasons, both physical and emotional, she wanted to breastfeed her little one.  She had seen other new mothers like her online wondering in posts whether or not it was possible and was greatly encouraged by the responses when she was making her decision to try.  When she was feeling doubtful, she would check out the group and see the more experienced mothers giving tips and tricks but more importantly talking about the emotional reality of things not going as planned so she was prepared for things to go differently than she wanted them to. In our case, luck was on our side and between my experience providing support in this area and her body’s responsiveness she was able to exclusively breastfeed her daughter. When she was given a deadline to stop and go back on the medication but neither of them was ready, the support and encouragement she got from other group members who had asked for an extra few months gave her the courage to address it with her oncology team. Thankfully, they agreed to give her the extra bit of time she needed for both she and her daughter to move on from the breastfeeding relationship.

Even though some time has passed, my daughter chose to stay a part of the online groups because it is a place for her to belong, where if she is having a “cancer mental health day” she can pop in and it will help her move forward. My granddaughter turns 3 this week and in the last little while my girl has noticed a shift.

Now she is the one who provides hope.

Young women fearing recurrence if they come off the ovarian suppression look to her as a success story, someone whose cancer did not come back when she was not taking the drugs. Others who wonder if their bodies will allow them to get pregnant see a peer who not only was able to, but that it happened very quickly. Still others who are lucky enough, as she is, to still have an untreated breast find someone who was able to breastfeed her baby with only one.  While these other young women’s stories may not have the same ending, they can look in the mirror and tell themselves they “know” someone who did, and the hope that provides is immeasurable.

My daughter had to tell her story over and over again when she was diagnosed and going through treatment and ended up being a learning experience for so many when she did not want to play that role. Now, though, she is happy to tell her story so that others can learn that there is hope in the face of despair, that cancer will not necessarily take this one more thing.

And we could all use a little more hope…right?

This piece reflects the author’s personal experience and perspective. For medical advice, please consult your health care provider.

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