Thankful Heart: Gratitude for Support During Cancer

As most who have been through or are currently going through cancer know, cancer can be a very isolating and lonely experience. I can say for myself that being a caregiver to a young adult cancer patient and being a young adult myself, I found much of our cancer experience to be lonely.

I have often expressed the tremendous and illimitable gratitude for the care team that my sister was so blessed to have via The Medical Center of Aurora, Presbyterian St. Luke’s, Rocky Mountain Cancer Center and Colorado Blood Cancer Institute.

Many of her care team went on to become mentors, colleagues and friends and continued to care about my sister until she died and continue to stay in touch with me. As we approach Thanksgiving this year and being just about five months out from my sister’s death, I wanted to express my gratitude for the love and support that I have had outside of clinics and hospitals, not just during my sister’s cancer but also in the aftermath of her death as I have navigated grief and loss.

Eleven years is an extraordinarily long time, and I cannot list every single person who has helped, supported, shown up or done one of the many kind things for my sister and me. Having said that, there is a group of people that I have been so beyond lucky to have been surrounded by for some of my sister’s cancer journey. I can say unequivocally that I do think that I would have been able to endure all that I did as her caregiver or the pain of her death without AJ Applegarth.

He is a chosen brother, and he has been in my life since before my sister’s diagnosis and was instrumental in assisting in planning her memorial service earlier this year. It is through him that I have been gifted my niece, Lilyanne, and a tremendous family comprised of the Applegarths, Lovetts and DiRenzos—all of whom I am so grateful for.

Beyond those mentioned above, most of the people in my life now were not there when my sister was diagnosed with cancer. To me, that speaks volumes about each of their characters because, despite the chaos of cancer, each chose not only to come into my life but to stay. Rachel G. has brought so much laughter and levity to my life and has also brought another niece to love, Noa—my Cocoa Bean.

Additionally, she has shared in both the darkest and lightest of moments for the last decade. Julie T. and I have walked the career paths within health care together, have trauma-bonded through it and she is the giver of so much sage advice. Poppy F. came into my life like a ray of sunshine and rainbows that she is. I have made many meals for us to share with our soul-searching conversations and daily tea.

Dan B. has provided a listening ear and is the giver of endless wisdom, even when I am stubborn and reluctant to listen. Daniel L. has been in my life for almost five years, and in the immediate aftermath of my sister’s death, he was physically present for me every step of the way.

The way our lives cross paths sometimes astonishes me. Anna P. has been an unwavering support for me and to me through every moment that I have needed her. The way she shows up in my life is indescribably excellent, as is she. Last but certainly not least, Kevin F.: words fail me when it comes to explaining the guidance and patience he has given me, and it is illimitably appreciated.

All these individuals are confidants, empathetic souls and among the most compassionate and biggest-hearted people. Cancer was complicated, and yet somehow the grief that I have faced and continue to face seems more complicated. I know that without all of the aforementioned individuals, I would not have the strength, knowledge and ability to be facing the first holiday season since my sister’s death.

There are hardly words to surmise how indebted I feel to each of them. And while grief has been an overwhelming emotion for me these past few months, I would be remiss not to take a moment to live in gratitude and express my appreciation for each of them this Thanksgiving.

This piece reflects the author’s personal experience and perspective. For medical advice, please consult your health care provider.

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