The Power of a Smile

Have you ever discovered a baby or childhood photo of yourself in an old family album, one of those books with the black pages? When you shared it with friends did, they ‘ooh and aah’ at the younger-you photos? If you would, please take a moment to look closely at the photo above and think about what stands out in your eyes – besides the streaks and cracks from age running through the photo. What do you see when you look at that photo? I can tell you what I see by asking myself the old journalism questions: who, what, when, where and why. They are known as the five W’s. 

First

The person in the background with a smile on her face is my mother. She is bending over in the doorway. The person I’m facing must be my maternal grandmother because at that time, my parents were living with her while my dad was building our home. I assume my father was behind the camera lens.

Second

This photo was taken on a Kodak camera, as indicated by the date, August 3, 1953, printed on the back of the photograph. As I study this picture carefully, I recognize that this was my maternal grandmother’s home. I recognize the doorway, which led from the dining room, facing the kitchen, so in the photo, I was walking into the kitchen toward my grandmother.

Third

My grandmother was my babysitter, so we spent a lot of time together in the kitchen while she was cooking on the woodstove. I remember always being happy while I watched her cook. As I grew older, I began helping her in the kitchen and this is where I learned how to cook and developed my appreciation for southern culinary delights.

Fourth

This is an indelible image which I’ll treasure for the rest of my life. What I see in this photo is an infectious smile, sweet laughter, and lots of joy. This is what we used to call back in the 50s and 60s, capturing a “Kodak Moment.” I wish I could remember the actual moment in time as a real experience so I could feel it again, but at least I can see it. 

However, the rest of the photos taken of me for school yearbooks, from first grade through college, all showed a very serious individual who rarely smiled. It was several years into my adulthood before I could appreciate the value and power of a smile. For most of my life, I would consider myself as melancholic. Perhaps that’s why I was drawn to poetry and music at an early age. I could feel and identify deeply with what the poets and composers were expressing.

Fifth

It wasn't until I met my partner that I learned to smile. He was funny, witty, and always catching me off guard with one of his stories. He would make up some outrageous news bit, which I would believe to be true. Only when he knew I’d believed him would he tell me he was joking. And sooner or later, a smile would pop up on my face as I realized I’d gotten caught again! His true knack for “Blarney” and his Irish flair for storytelling is one of his natural gifts and I marvel at his clever sense of humor. Not all of us have it!

When I decided to write this meditation, I began by researching the concept of smiling.

“Did you know that numerous research studies and scientific articles from Harvard, and other scientists from across the world have proven that your smile can lower blood pressure, relieve stress, boost your mood, get more out of relationships, and release endorphins?” 

I had no idea! Research shows that smiling can reduce pain and improve stress by stimulating the rewards center in the brain. There’s great power in a smile. When you think about it, it seems obvious that a smile would be able to build your self-esteem and boost your likability. And this is all within our own power, just by choosing to smile.

One of the first times I realized I could be funny occurred while I was delivering a sermon at the Unitarian Universalist Church. I was telling a story about a personal encounter and suddenly, the whole congregation burst out, roaring in laughter. I was literally dumbfounded. I never knew I could be funny. That experience opened me up to a state of bliss. I had experienced the power of a smile and laughter firsthand.

It doesn’t take a lot of effort to open yourself up to a smile. It’s so natural. It’s so easy. Even William Shakespeare had something to say about smiling: “A smile cures the wounding of a frown.”

When someone holds the door for me when I enter a store, I always smile and say, “Thank you so much.” If I only have a couple of grocery items in my hands, and someone lets me go ahead of them in line, I smile and say, “Thank you.” When I encounter a cashier who’s been dealing with a difficult customer, I say to them, “Some days are difficult.” When the cashier sees my smile and the compassion in my eyes, he or she will return the smile. 

I have a friend who sends me video clips from time to time. And one clip I remember is of a dog holding on to a bassinet and rocking a baby. When the bassinet stops, the dog pushes it to get it going again to rock the baby to sleep. The dog stays with the baby the entire time until the mother comes to remove the child. The dog is diligently watching to see that the baby is resting comfortably. Even the memory of that clip makes me smile.

Just yesterday, I was in a store to purchase a box of envelopes. The cashier asked if I had any change to pay the tax. I apologized and said I didn’t have any change and gave her a dollar bill to cover the tax. The lady behind me said, "I have a bunch of change. Let me get that for you. It’s hard to carry change in your pockets because it weighs down your pants." I said, "You’re definitely right about that! Thank you so much!" We all laughed, including the cashier. I looked at the lady again and smiled, saying, "You just restored my faith in humanity today." And the cashier said, "Amen to that!" We all laughed and smiled as I left the store.

A doctor who focuses on smiles states, “A real smile radiates authenticity and shows in the eyes because your eye muscles contract.” There is truly power in a smile. My personal experience has always shown that if you smile to a stranger, that individual will smile back at you.

I want to share a final story with you. 

There was a man who purchased coffee every morning at a fast-food restaurant. It was his habit to pay for a cup of coffee for the person behind him in line. He didn’t ask to be known. He only asked the cashier to smile and say, “This was a gift from someone who wanted to brighten your day.” 

As the weeks went by, a letter to the editor was published in a local newspaper from a gentleman who said he had decided to kill himself on the day he received that cup of coffee. But when the cashier smiled and gave him the coffee he drove away with hope in his heart. The smile and the gift of thoughtfulness changed his outlook on life. He chose to live. 

This is the power of a smile and what it means to be open to others. He never knew the man who gave him a cup of coffee, but he wanted to let him know he saved his life. This is an example of true kindness we can learn from and pass on to others. I think each of us can feel the energy in our bodies change, just by hearing this story. It’s palpable within us.

This story reminds me of the song "Smile," which was recorded in 1955 by Nat King Cole. I grew up listening to that song as a young person. My family was a big fan of Nat King Cole, so his music was frequently playing around me. I remember singing that song when I was at the kitchen sink, washing dishes as a teenager. I remember humming the melody as I was cleaning the house. There was something about that song. The lyrics resonated with me in a profound way because of my childhood melancholy. It seems appropriate to include those lyrics in my meditation since, as I write, even now, I can still hear Nat King Cole’s voice in my mind.

Smile

As with the gentleman who received a smile with his coffee, we never know what may be going on in someone’s life, or what trials or struggles they may be enduring. But we CAN make a difference.

What are the ingredients for making the day a little bit better for another person? All it takes is pausing for a moment, giving some direct eye contact, and a warm smile to change someone’s life. It doesn’t take much time. Just be present.

At the end of a major interview, many interviewers may present a younger image of an artist, actor, actress, poet, or writer to the person being interviewed and pose this question:

“What would you say to that little boy or girl if you could go back in time and give him or her advice?”

I will distill the essence of my answer in one sentence, simply by saying:

My smile today is one of compassion.

It’s a smile that welcomes the stranger I meet.

It radiates joy and presence.

In the back of my mind, I try to recall the image of that little boy in my opening photo.

This piece reflects the author’s personal experience and perspective. For medical advice, please consult your health care provider.

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