Friendship Flourishes Through a Cancer Connection

With my friend Roger, Facebook facilitated a renewed friendship and, eventually, a deep connection on our cancer journeys.

We were close friends and coworkers, fellow newspaper reporters for several years in our Southeastern city. But they we lost touch in the 1990s when Roger left town for another newspaper job out West.

In 2011, I chanced to see him making posts on Facebook, and our friendship was immediately renewed. By then, he had taken yet another reporter’s position, and a few years later was happily retired. I kept him informed about my 2014 prostate cancer diagnosis, and all the treatments that I faced moving forward.

In October 2024, I received this shocking disclosure from Roger:

“Hi Ron, I don’t mean to impose, but at some point, I would like to chat about how you dealt with your diagnosis. I’m not ready to talk yet, too emotional. I met with my oncologist today. Cancer has spread rapidly. He offered hope of containing it, but said 12 to 15 months. I apologize for imposing.”

“Roger, my heart goes out to you,” I replied. “I’m very open to sharing my cancer journey with you. Call me anytime you’re ready to talk. With compassion, your friend, Ron.”

A month later, I got this message:

“Ron, when you were in treatment, did you struggle with insomnia? I wake up in the middle of the night every night.”

I sent a brief reply with some practical advice and moral support, but I knew instinctively to step up my emotional support for Roger, considering his terminal diagnosis.

I recalled what my wife Tanya did for me soon after I was diagnosed with cancer. She discovered online a poignant poem, “What Cancer Cannot Do,” and gifted me with its moving words inscribed on a keychain, which read:

“Cancer is so limited…

“It cannot cripple love.

“It cannot shatter hope.

“It cannot corrode faith.

“It cannot eat away peace.

“It cannot destroy confidence.

“It cannot kill friendship.

“It cannot shut out memories.

“It cannot silence courage.

“It cannot reduce eternal life.

“It cannot quench the spirit.”

Just before Thanksgiving 2024, I bought another keychain with that poem and sent it to Roger in the mail.

Soon after, I received this message:

“I was having an emotional moment tonight, lost in thought that this would be my last Christmas. I hugged my wife and pulled out the keychain and re-read the positive message about what cancer cannot do. I really needed that message tonight. Thanks again for such a thoughtful gift. I will treasure it. Merry Christmas. Roger.”

“I, too, have gained a lot of strength from that poem,” I replied. “From time to time, I read those words, and they never grow old. That poem is truly a treasure. Merry Christmas to you, my friend.”

By Jan. 1, 2025, Roger was hopeful that the chemo treatments he was receiving were making a difference.

“Cancer is shrinking in some areas,” he wrote in a Facebook post to friends and families. “Still a long way to go, but I’m feeling much better than a couple of months ago. Thanks to all the prayers and good thoughts from my family and friends. Happy 2025, everybody.”

But, unfortunately, his progress toward better health was short-lived, and, sadly, he passed away a little more than two months later.

It’s so very hard to lose a good friend, and even harder when you both share the same medical condition. I cursed cancer, that horrific disease that takes so many lives prematurely. Why, oh why, I thought did this have to happen to such a decent human being, a good friend, a cherished husband, father and grandfather?

Then my thoughts turned to something more positive. I began to muse over the rewards of a deep friendship, like the one that I shared with Roger. From this life-changing experience, I have learned the following:

1. Good friendships are one of life’s greatest gifts. Good friends can pick up where they left off, even after years of little or no communication. True and lasting friendship stands the test of time.

2. Patients with cancer receive many blessings from friends and family. But at times, we can serve in the vital role of caregiver when someone close to us finds themselves on the cancer journey.

3. Never underestimate the power of hope found in the words of a moving poem like “What Cancer Cannot Do.” Cancer steals so much from us, but it cannot erase friendship. Just the reverse: It strengthens those bonds.

4. A simple keychain sent from friend to friend made a big difference for Roger in his battle against cancer.

Please, never forget this:

When it comes to cancer, small gestures really do count!

This piece reflects the author’s personal experience and perspective. For medical advice, please consult your health care provider.

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