How One Woman Taught Me to Live With an Incurable Cancer

A Friend Who Refused to Let Cancer Define Her

A dear friend of mine, Terry, was 50 years old when she began experiencing back pain 28 years ago. After a series of tests, she was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. The strange part was that when her doctors searched for the breast cancer, they couldn’t find a tumor or any trace of cancer in her breasts. Nevertheless, the diagnosis was devastating.

The protocol was aggressive chemotherapy in an attempt to stop the cancer from progressing and spreading further. Terry was determined to live, and she did everything her doctors instructed her to do.

The treatment took so much out of her that, on her next birthday, one of her close friends — and Terry treated everyone as though they were her closest friend — decided to throw her a party. We all worried that it might be her last.

The chemotherapy had taken a tremendous toll, but that evening, we celebrated Terry. She loved every minute of it — and so did we. It wasn’t just what she needed. We all needed it.

Terry Chose to Keep Living

Terry didn’t just go through life; she lived it through her own artistic, colorful lens and her enormous heart.

She continued to create. She was an accomplished beader and taught my daughter, a fellow artist, all the techniques she needed to become proficient. She created beautiful costumes and exquisite — and delicious — dishes.

She took an interest in everyone she met and truly listened to them. She continued to find the best in everyone, and she was sure to let them know they were loved — not just loved, but that she loved them even more than the last time she told them.

Most importantly, Terry refused to let her diagnosis define her. She approached life with an extraordinary sense of optimism and determination.

What Terry Taught Me After My Own Cancer Diagnosis

At 57, 17 years ago, I was diagnosed with small lymphocytic lymphoma. I was told there was no cure, but that I could hopefully live with it for a long time. When I looked up the average length of time people lived with it, I read that it was about 10 years at that time.

After I had time to process that information, I called Terry.

She had already beaten the odds by living with metastatic cancer for more than 10 years. She told me that I had to be optimistic and think about the best possible outcome.

I needed hope. I needed to believe that I, too, could beat the odds.

I wasn’t there yet, but Terry helped me get there.

Learning to Live With an Incurable Cancer

All I had to do was listen to what she had just told me and look at the way she had lived during the previous 10 years. With help from others, she refused to give up the annual July 4th parties she had at the lake.

They continued year after year, even when they became much harder for her to manage.

Terry continued to live her life with every fiber of her being. I watched her for years, and I took it all in. Her prognosis was far worse than mine. Surely, if she could continue living the way she did, despite everything she had endured, I could at least try to emulate her.

Another friend of mine, who has the same diagnosis as me, said I must have PMA to get through this. I had no idea what he was talking about, so I asked him to explain.

He said, “Positive Mental Attitude!”

That’s the main thing you can do for yourself in all of this.

I again thought of Terry and how she believed in this as well. It was very helpful to have both of these people influence what I clearly needed to do.

Terry’s Legacy Lives On

Sadly, 28 years later, Terry finally succumbed to her disease. Her bones just couldn’t take it anymore.

As I sat at Terry’s funeral, I listened as people spoke not about her death, but about how she had lived her life.

She was a marvel to all of us.

Sitting there, I felt incredibly lucky to have known this very special woman who had been such an inspiration to so many of us.

Terry’s attitude changed how she lived with cancer, and that became a life lesson for me. Since my cancer is not curable, I, too, need to live my life this way.

Terry taught me how to live with a disease she ultimately did not survive.

And yet, she still defied the odds.

And she still lives in me.

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