A Tribute to My Friend With Cancer

Bernadette is not a cancer support person or a medical social worker. Her background is not that of a pastor or a meditation teacher. She’s simply a cancer patient like so many others of us. Yet she has inspired and encouraged many of her fellow patients with her strength and hope. Whether in a support group, a church Bible study, or a cancer infusion center, Bernadette’s faith and motivation have led others to optimism in their cancer journeys and beyond.

I was in remission from stage 3B lung cancer in October 2021 when I met Bernadette at St. Peregrine, my church’s cancer support group. I had been one of only two individuals who attended the first group meeting in September, after the pandemic subsided, and I racked my brain for ways to contact anyone and everyone who might have an interest in St. Peregrine.

An acquaintance of mine, the leader of a nearby cancer service organization, gave me a short list with four names and numbers of people they had recently assisted. A few days later, hoping for the best, I tried to reach them. Three of the folks indicated no interest in a support group. Feeling rather discouraged, I called Bernadette, who answered her phone immediately and took me up on my offer.

From the following Sunday afternoon, Bernadette became an important part of our group. She is a strong person, a hard worker, kind and giving, an extraordinary people person. She fit in immediately. And on top of that, Bernadette is a true woman of faith, not for a moment doubting God’s desire to heal her. Although Bernie’s cancer was at stage 4 when she was diagnosed, she has remained confident. The group was growing slowly, and she has been an inspiration to most of the group members, some looking at her as a mentor.

Bernadette and I became good friends soon after the day I met her in the fall of 2021. I was so impressed when, early on in our friendship, she was so supportive of me in several challenging events in my life. Although I have regularly sent her “thinking of you” greeting cards and spent many days keeping her company in the cancer infusion center, I have rarely felt like I was her support person. Now that I have spent a lot of time with her over the past four years, I realize how often I have sensed her concern for me as much as I have expressed my concern for her. She gives, I give; she takes, I take.

And yet, there is still more. Bernadette’s most impressive characteristic is the optimism that she carries within herself and passes on to friends of hers who go back to her childhood, as well as new acquaintances.

Now in her fourth year of cancer treatment, she is no longer eligible to receive more chemotherapy or radiation. What would have stunned and depressed many patients simply led Bernadette to reconsider the direction of her life going forward. She has slowed down somewhat, now attending just one instead of two worship services on Sunday morning and one Al-Anon meeting per week, which helps her cope with her daughter’s alcoholism. She meets with friends now typically only once or twice per week. Sometimes Bernadette prefers to spend time at home, with God, rather than having friends over to visit.

Bernadette is now part of a drug trial that is pursuing a method of using a patient’s T cells, replicated in a lab and then infused into their body. Some success has been observed in creating a much stronger immune response using this method.

Bernie has lived beyond four years and four months. The fact that she has lived double her life expectancy is absolutely no surprise to me. Attitude has been proven to be a significant factor in determining that individuals with a positive attitude live longer than others who have a similar cancer journey.

Bernadette is a very special person who has motivated so many others who know her. I have often heard people describe her as the most optimistic person they have ever known. I am mostly just proud to call her my friend. Although medically her disease may be considered stage 4 cancer, Bernadette is truly a survivor.

This piece reflects the author’s personal experience and perspective. For medical advice, please consult your health care provider.

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