The Day I Tapped My Son Out of Basic Training

A couple of weeks ago I found myself in San Antonio, Texas, for a special occasion that two doctors said I would never see: my oldest son Caleb’s basic training graduation from the United States Air Force. This special occasion stirred up so many emotions for me.

If you are not familiar with military basic training graduations, once the ceremony finishes, each person must stand at attention until they are tapped out (released) by a family member or loved one. As I reached out to tap him out of formation, my face was already doing that thing it does when I am about to ugly cry. You know the face, right? I had my phone out recording the moment, but as soon as I reached to poke him, the floodgates opened when I wrapped my arms around him, and he hugged me tight.

“I love you too, Mommy,” he said.

And just like that, my heart was full.

It was a moment I had been looking forward to for weeks. But what made it even more meaningful was knowing that 19 years earlier, I was told that I would not live long enough to experience milestones like this.

A Peritoneal Mesothelioma Diagnosis and an 18-Month Prognosis

In 2007, when Caleb was just 5 months old, I was diagnosed with peritoneal mesothelioma, a rare cancer that’s linked to asbestos exposure. During my pregnancy, what was later diagnosed as cancer had initially been mistaken for a fibroid tumor. By the time I received my diagnosis, I was a young mother trying to process news that would change my life.

Doctors gave me an 18-month prognosis.

I had a baby who needed me, a family I loved and so many questions about what the future would hold. I wondered whether I would get to watch my children grow up and experience the milestones that so many parents look forward to.

Fast forward 19 years, and that same little boy was telling us he wanted to join the Air Force.

Supporting My Son’s Decision to Join the Air Force

Now, when Caleb first told us he wanted to join the military, I was shocked!

He had already spent a semester in college, so I was not expecting him to take a different direction. I was surprised, a little nervous and curious about what this new chapter would mean for him.

But my husband and I wanted him to know that we supported him.

“Whatever you want to do to be successful, Mommy and Daddy are behind you 100%.”

And we meant every word.

As parents, we have dreams for our children, but eventually, they begin making decisions about their own futures. Sometimes those decisions surprise us, and we must learn how to support them while giving them room to grow.

For Caleb, that meant leaving home and beginning a journey that would challenge him in ways he had not experienced before.

A Little Prayer and a Lot of Tough Love

When Caleb left for basic training, I experienced about every emotion you could imagine. I was excited and happy for him, but I was also nervous. I missed him, worried about him and prayed for him constantly.

Then came those early days when he was not sure he could do it. When I say early, I mean the first week of training. He wanted to come home.

As a mother, it was hard to hear the cracking in his voice. I was concerned about him and how he was adjusting. But I also knew Caleb was capable of more than he realized at the time.

So along with the prayers and encouragement came a little tough love.

I reminded him that he had decided to join the Air Force and encouraged him to give himself a chance to finish what he started. Sometimes, as parents, we must encourage our children through the very things we would rather protect them from. And that is not always easy. We have become accustomed to running to our kids’ rescue when things get hard. But if we continue to help them “escape” or make it easier for them, what is that teaching them? It is important for us as parents to encourage our kids that, yes, they can do hard things.

I kept praying, encouraging him and reminding him that he could do it.

And he did! Not only did Caleb complete basic training, but he also served as an element leader. Watching him do something he initially was not sure he could do made graduation day even more special.

The Milestones That Matter Most to a Long-Term Cancer Survivor

As a long-term cancer survivor, I have learned that some of life’s most meaningful moments are the ones we experience while watching the people we love grow, accomplish their goals and step into new chapters.

Over the years, I have celebrated birthdays, holidays, graduations and countless other milestones. Each one has reminded me how grateful I am for the blessed life I am living.

But this moment with Caleb hit different. I thought about the 21-year-old me in 2007, holding her 5-month-old baby and wondering what the future would look like.

And now, here I was, standing in San Antonio, hugging that same little boy who had grown into a young man beginning his military career.

I was proud of him for pushing through the difficult days. I was grateful to be there with my mother-in-law. And I thanked God for allowing me to see another milestone.

When I look back on that day, I will always remember the hug, the tears I was trying to hold back and hearing Caleb say, “I love you too, Mommy.” Nineteen years ago, I could not have imagined this moment.

But I am so grateful I am living my answered prayers.

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