Why "You'll Be Fine" Isn't Always Comforting After Cancer

Cancer Prevention Is Only Part of the Story

There are things you can do to prevent cancer, or at least reduce your risk of developing it. Many of those habits are also good for your overall health. Even if they don’t prevent cancer from developing—or returning—they can improve your chances of doing well during treatment because you’ll be in better overall health when you begin.

In July 2020, I was diagnosed with follicular lymphoma, a form of blood cancer that is considered very treatable but chronic and incurable. I’ve been NED (No Evidence of Disease, the medical term for remission) since December 2020. As pandemic restrictions eased, I returned to my previous activities and even added a few more after retiring in 2021. More recently, I started attending a yoga class with several of my neighbors, who know about my diagnosis and treatment.

The Conversation That Hit Different

That brings us to this morning.

One of the instructors at the gym was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. As we talked about her diagnosis, treatment and upcoming PET scan, others in the class asked questions about what PET scans involve and how they differ from MRIs and CT scans. During the conversation, someone asked if I still receive regular scans.

I do.

My next scan is next week.

The last one, in January, showed two enlarged lymph nodes in my lower groin that may—or may not—represent a recurrence. The radiologist believed they did and documented that in the report. My oncologist disagreed, explaining that while recurrence was possible, there were no clear signs of lymphoma. Enlarged lymph nodes can happen for many reasons, with infection being one of the most common.

When I mentioned that my next scan was coming up, one of my neighbors smiled and said, "Oh, you'll be fine."

Why Those Words Can Be So Difficult to Hear

Her comment was completely offhand, and she had no idea what was currently happening medically. She didn't know about my January scan because I haven't shared it with my neighbors.

There's a reason for that.

During my initial diagnosis and treatment, one neighbor ignored my request to keep my health private and told everyone we knew. When I confronted her, she said she thought people needed to know. It's uncomfortable when people you barely recognize stop you to ask how your cancer treatment is going, so this time I've chosen to keep things to myself except with people I trust.

It isn't my neighbor's fault that she didn't know. Without that context, she couldn't have realized how her words landed.

But "You'll be fine" is a phrase many cancer survivors hear, even from people who do know what's going on.

Life After Cancer Is Filled With Uncertainty

Many people believe that once treatment ends and you reach remission, cancer is behind you.

For many survivors, that's simply not true.

Cancer doesn't necessarily stop affecting your life when treatment ends. The possibility of recurrence remains, and for many cancers, that risk is higher than the risk of developing cancer in the first place. Some cancer treatments can also increase the risk of developing a second cancer later in life.

Living in remission often means living with uncertainty.

I don't know that I'll be fine.

I don't know that I won't.

What I do know is that between now and my upcoming scan—and especially while waiting for the results—my stress levels will remain high because I simply don't know what comes next.

That uncertainty is something many cancer survivors carry long after treatment is over, even when everyone around them believes the hardest part is behind them.

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