After His Daughter’s Cancer Treatment, AJ Wyman Realized He Needed Help, Too

When AJ Wyman’s daughter, Emma, was diagnosed with cancer at just 7 months old, his world changed overnight.

Wyman and his wife were still learning how to navigate parenthood when they suddenly found themselves facing something they never expected: their baby had cancer.

“It was only at seven months old, so my wife and I were still learning how to become just parents and how to take care of a life,” Wyman told CURE. “And at the moment of diagnosis, everything just kind of came crashing down.”

For Wyman, the diagnosis also brought back painful memories of cancer within his own family. His father had died of cancer, and his family had experienced other losses.

“Cancer is an unwanted family member,” he said. “So when it happened to Emma, it really just — it was kind of like shock. How could this happen to such a young, innocent girl?”

Emma would spend much of 2015 receiving treatment at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. While her family focused on getting her through cancer treatment, they would also face a frightening medical emergency that would leave a lasting emotional impact on her parents.

A Six-Minute Fight for His Daughter’s Life

During treatment, Emma experienced a respiratory arrest after choking on her own vomit, causing her heart to stop.

It happened during the midnight shift at the hospital. Wyman said that when he realized something was wrong, he ran into the hallway screaming for help. Nurses and doctors rushed in, and Emma was eventually taken to the intensive care unit after her heartbeat was restored.

For Wyman and his wife, those six minutes felt endless.

“We were ushered out of the room little by little as more support staff and doctors and nurses came rushing in,” he said. “And it was just a long six minutes. It was so many different scenarios run through your head, so many different fears.”

Eventually, Emma’s heart started beating again.

But while the immediate crisis was over, the experience left emotional scars on her parents.

Emma would go on to recover. During her treatment, she also participated in physical, speech and occupational therapy as she worked to regain her baseline after suffering a stroke and losing the use of the left side of her body.

Now 11, Emma is a cancer survivor who has been in remission for almost her entire life.

For Wyman and his wife, however, the experience of having a child with cancer did not simply disappear when treatment ended.

When Treatment Ends, the Fear May Not

For parents and caregivers, the end of a child's cancer treatment can bring enormous relief. But Wyman wants other caregivers to understand that relief does not necessarily mean the emotional impact of the experience is gone.

During Emma's treatment, Wyman said, caring for himself was never a priority.

“You're in the fight for your child's life, and your needs, your mental health, your fears, your worries, your concerns — that all gets put on the back burner because you're just trying to get this baby healthy,” he said.

Looking back, Wyman recognizes that he and his wife were experiencing significant trauma and stress while trying to keep their daughter alive and help her recover.

“It's still scars there,” he said. “Emma has scars on her chest and on her back, but like we have emotional scars.”

He wishes he had found a way to address those feelings while Emma was still in treatment instead of putting them aside.

“It just would have been nice to have been able to release a little bit in the middle of treatment,” he said. “And it's hard to say, ‘Well, I need to dedicate time to myself,’ but you really do. You need to find time to take care of yourself.”

Asking for Help Can Be Part of Caring for Your Child

Wyman also spoke openly about the ways he struggled to cope with everything he was experiencing.

Before Emma's diagnosis, he had already experienced several significant losses, including the death of his father and the suicide of friends and former colleagues. He said he had bottled up those experiences for years.

Then came Emma's cancer diagnosis and the terrifying experience of nearly losing his daughter.

Wyman said he did not ask for help because he felt pressure to remain strong.

“I'm a guy. I'm in law enforcement. Supposed to be tough. I'm supposed to have armor,” he said.

Looking back, he wishes he had asked a social worker or doctor whether there was someone he could talk to about what he was feeling.

His experience taught him something he now hopes other parents will hear: asking for support does not make a caregiver weak.

For parents navigating pediatric cancer, reaching out to a social worker, doctor or other member of the care team can be one way to begin finding emotional support alongside the child's medical care.

Turning His Experience Into Support for Other Parents

Today, Wyman is using what he experienced to help other families.

He became involved with Cancer Hope Network's Hopeful Hearts program, which provides mentorship for parents and caregivers affected by childhood cancer. After realizing how much he wished he had known about that kind of support during Emma's treatment, he decided to become a peer mentor himself.

For Wyman, the role is not about telling another parent what medical decisions to make.

“I'm not a doctor. I don't pretend to be a doctor,” he said, emphasizing that every child's experience with cancer and recovery is different.

Instead, he believes one of the most valuable things a peer mentor can offer is understanding — someone who has been through a similarly overwhelming experience and can simply be there.

He also encourages parents to remember that caring for themselves is part of caring for their child.

“Just being there for your child, but also being there for yourself, your spouse, whoever else is on that care team with you is probably one of the most important things,” he said.

'You're Not the Only One'

Wyman knows there may be parents reading his story who are in the middle of the same fear and uncertainty he once experienced.

His message to them is simple.

“First thing is, you're not the only one,” he said.

He encourages caregivers to think about what they can do to take care of themselves so they can remain present for the person they love.

“What can I do to be better for my child, my parent, whoever the patient is?” he said. “What can I do to make myself better, to make myself more present for the moment?”

For Wyman, that perspective has become part of what comes after his daughter's cancer journey. Emma is now a healthy 11-year-old, and Wyman has found a way to turn some of the hardest experiences of his life into an opportunity to support families who may be walking a similar path.

His story is also a reminder that when a child has cancer, the patient isn't the only person who may need care. Parents and caregivers are carrying their own fear, trauma and uncertainty — and they deserve support, too.

For more news on cancer updates, research and education, don't forget to subscribe to CURE®'s newsletters here.